Kids These Days

I leave for my home today and it feels so odd not being bombarded with assignments, homework, and work in general. I'm taking a lot of books back with me to read. I don't know if I'll read any of them but the intention is there. They're all about Wicca for the most part.

I won't have internet while I'm home. I may post things from my phone from time to time but other than that I won't be posting as often as I'd like. That's why I'm also taking my journal down there with me. I haven't packed up all my clothes yet but I packed up all my Wiccan supplies for the Yule ritual. I haven't even left for home and I already miss being at school.

It's terrible when you're a workaholic. You're always doing things and then when you have free time you get so bored. I get sort of depressed when I'm bored. That's why I hate the summer time. I have nothing to do and it's a terrible feeling.

I am excited to help my step mother put up the Christmas tree. I always loved doing that when I was a kid. Although, back then we had an 8 ft tall fake tree and this one is only 4 ft tall. Shouldn't take any time at all to decorate I guess. My dad said that no one would help her with the decorations even though she has a 15 year old daughter and my brother who's 18. They are so damn lazy. It's four feet tall for crying out loud. How long would it take? 15 minutes??

Kids these days. I admit I was a little lazy as a teenager too but I wasn't a sorry ass! Kids think they're so entitled to everything. "I need a cell phone, I need a laptop, I need an IPad." No fuck you don't. I didn't have a cell phone till I was a junior in High School. I bought my own laptop when I was a freshman in college with the money I made from my JOB.And no, I still don't have an IPad. I have a laptop so close enough.

My future kids will not have a cell phone when they are in elementary school. They may get a cell phone in middle school depending on if they're a part of any clubs and have after school activities that I need to be made aware of. However, they're not going to have the whole data package bull shit. What kid in middle school needs that when they have a computer (a real home computer) to use the internet. Maybe they'll get a laptop when they graduate High School but they don't need one before then.

I can hear it now. If I get my future child a laptop before college chances are they're going to break it before they go and need a new one. So I'm saving them the trouble. People may think that's a little too strict but it's not. Kids will be fine without all that extra technology. Nowadays, we buy three different devices that do the exact same thing.

I bought myself a Zune one Christmas back in 2007 I think it was. They're just like an IPod but I think they have a few different features that make them a little better than an IPod. Anyway, it works fine. People always ask "Why don't you get an IPod? They're newer." The real question is why would I buy a device that does the exact same thing and then have to redownload all my music and possibly hook up to some stupid Apple account? If it's not broken then don't fix it.

The only time that phrase wouldn't really apply to would be a car I suppose. Although I plan on having my car for quite some time before I sell it.

Keep Calm and Stay Strong

I'm getting the feeling that I'm being taken for a ride. I'm trying to do all this great stuff with my website for the Old Spirit Path Study Group by posting interesting articles, videos, pictures, facts, and just some really cool stuff and my partner has been shying away from this. When I tell her about this cool stuff I'm posting for out students she just says "cool" or "awesome" or "ok...??"

Her very vague and ambiguous texts just make me feel like she's not interested in what I'm trying to do or maybe she just doesn't approve of it. Like I've been posting new photo albums on the group of information and charts and some really awesome looking stuff. I told her about them and she acts like she doesn't understand.

I, on the other hand, was very proud of my photo albums that I've created. The ones I've created so far are for candle magick, what it means to be a witch, and meditation & healing. The ones for candle magick has pictures of all the different colored candles plus information about their uses and meanings on each one. The pictures for witches include the 13 goals of a witch, the wiccan rede, and about the elements which is still in progress. The pictures for meditation and healing include different forms of meditation, a chart on yoga positions and tai chi, a chart on healing trees, chakras, and even a foot massage chart on different pressure points on the feet that correspond to certain organs and healing throughout the body.

Of course I intend to add a lot more to these albums and even a few more albums that I've been thinking about. These would include spells, divination & readings, and quotes of enlightenment. I even posted an interesting article about onion magick!

Maybe I'm straying from the teachings of Dynion Mwyn by posting these things but our group is called the Old Spirit Path Study Group. It's a place for people to find their own path and not us to force it upon them. I have posted things related to Dynion Mwyn. Everything I've posted is either common knowledge of Wicca or Dynion Mwyn knows about it.

This study group is for people who are seeking enlightenment. I'm here to spread enlightenment, not Wicca. If Wicca is your path like it's mine then it's cool, but if it's not then that's cool too. At least you will have learned about it from our site. I'm not here to please everyone. I'm here to help people find a path that's right for them. Key word: help.

Christmas Break

So the dreaded Chemistry Final has been taken. Too bad I'll never get to know what I made on that test because the teachers never tell us. I feel pretty good about it. There was one problem that pissed me off though because I didn't know if the molecule underwent rearrangement or not. I think my brain started playing tricks on me.

Anyway, I finally got the Yule Ritual done and posted it on the website for my members. I can't wait for it! I think it'll be a good celebration. My co-leader and I are thinking of plans on how we want to prepare the space for the Circle, alter, and bonfire. I can't wait to decorate. I'm going to go to Walmart today and get some supplies. I need to get some cinnamon sticks because I want to make some pentagram ornaments for the trees that we'll be lighting around the Circle. Those will represent our Yule Trees.

I want nothing but positive energy happening at this ritual. I'll be putting a lot of positive energy into it!

Since I have an entire day to myself tomorrow which means no final and no work, I'll be spending tonight with my boyfriend. We're going to go out to eat together, maybe rent a movie to watch as we cuddle, and I'll probably bake cookies.

I have a tube of chocolate chip cookie dough that needs to be eaten by Friday otherwise it'll spoil while I'm gone for Christmas Break. Don't tell anyone, but I'm sort of pawning my cookie dough off on my boyfriend. I really don't need all the sweets.

It's been a pretty good day today. I'm just glad that I only have one final left and then I can go home to see my family, although I will miss my "family" up here.

Finals Week

I am officially done with my Physics class today. I took the final and now it's over...till I have to take the second part next semester. I've been studying my ass off for my last two finals. After I finish writing this I'm going to start a load of clothes and start looking at chemistry. My Chemistry final is tomorrow. I really need to do well on this.

It's so weird that I haven't been doing well on the exams in the class because I printed off all the practice exams and exams we took during the semester and filled them out. I only missed one or two problems on each exam and this was without even studying the notes. How come I can do this when I'm not in class but can't when I am? Maybe I have anxiety in that class.

For some reason, I haven't been able to focus on my studies this week. I feel like I'm constantly distracted by other things. Not that these distractions are bad, but I'm procrastinating more than usual. I've been having to force myself to study for my Cardio/Hepatic/Pulmonary/Renal Physiology exam and it hasn't been going to well. I've been studying two chapters of it a day.

I stopped trying to memorize everything and just read over it and get the gist of things. I'm getting all confused about the TCA cycle and how triglycerides work. It's messing me up! Luckily, I have three more days to get it straightened out.

I think tonight would be a good night for me to do some meditation to try and relax my mind and relieve some of the stress. It may also help me focus more on my studies. I know the new moon is coming up Thursday. Maybe that's why I'm so distracted.

I've also been thinking about Yule a lot. I have to get the ritual posted soon and go out and buy supplies for it. The one thing I am really looking forward to this week is sleeping in on Thursday. I am so excited. I don't get to sleep in during the week ever!

I'm so ready to relax tomorrow night after my Chemistry Final because my next final isn't till Friday. I can't wait to spend the day with my boyfriend.

This Generation

Yesterday was a pretty amazing day. I studied a little bit but for the most part I spent it with my wonderful and loving boyfriend. He's changed so much and I'm still very much surprised by that. We went hiking to this cave that only a few people know about. It's really pretty there but my boyfriend was too scared to go all the way in the cave. I didn't know he was afraid of bats!

Afterwards, we went out to eat and my roommate texted me to say that our Nutrition teacher came down with the flu. Because of her sudden illness, she made the final optional. I, of course, jumped all over that since my exam was supposed to be today. I was making an A in the class anyway so I was glad to be able to exempt.

I was also excited that one of my friends texted me asking about possibly hanging out over our breaks from college. I hope we can patch our friendship up after what happened between us. It seems like it's working. She may even come to the Yule Ritual with my group which is very exciting! I hope she comes but I understand if she goes to the Yule Celebration with her ESA group from her college instead.

Something happened today at work that kind of broke my heart. I work at an elementary school in the computer labs helping kids prep for their CRCT's and learn math and reading. Well, today I had a class that was just doing games on the internet. I was helping a little girl with her game because she chose a reading game. 

Well, in the game you could choose what kind of house you wanted to live in, what kind of pet you wanted, and make your character, etc. It was kind of neat. I was helping her with these things and it came to the part where we had to make her character.

She wanted brown hair, blue eyes, and white skin. I was a little surprised by this choice because most kids would fashion a character after themselves. She had brown hair, brown eyes, and brown skin. I didn't think much of it until she said, "That's what I'm supposed to look like."

I looked at her, a little saddened, and asked, "Why is that, sweetie?" 

She said, "Because that's what everyone says."

"Who says that?" I asked.

She just replied, "Everyone."

This child is in first grade. The media and images had already affected her so much that she was insecure with herself and thought that she wasn't beautiful. It's happening at such a young age now which is quite frightening.

Feminism At Its Worst

So I think I studied so much yesterday that I feel like doing absolutely nothing today. I need to get out of this state of mind otherwise I'm not going to do too hot on my exams! To try and get myself back on track, I thought I'd go ahead and update my blog. Then maybe after, I'll feel like studying more.

While looking around on my facebook and posting the usual inspirational, motivational, and humorous pictures that I stubble upon, I started looking at one of the pages I liked. It's called "Women's Rights News". I'm all for some women's rights so I liked it. Well, recently they've been getting a lot of backlash from fellow feminists on some of the pictures they've been posting.

To give you an idea of what I'm talking about, there's this one picture they posted which is obviously some kind of cartoon from a comic strip. It has an average looking woman shopping in a store holding up a really tiny shirt. There's an extremely skinny sales clerk standing in front of her. Well the woman says, "Do you make this in a size for people who eat?"

Now, at first glance, I thought it was funny. I didn't think anything else of it. It's a comedic strategy for a relatable experience. I found it quite humorous since a lot of the name brand stores don't carry anything in a size over 12 or 14 which I find quite stupid considering sizes 12 and 14 are the size of the average woman--in America. I'm not sure about the average size in other countries or the world.

Either way, I felt that it was a jab at department stores. Everyone I know has had an experience where they find that really cute outfit but they can't find their size. It always seems like smaller people get the cuter clothes as well. I'm between the media definition of thick and thin. I'm a size 8 but I used to be a size 18. I lost all my weight when I hit puberty plus I took weight training classes and ran everyday.

I'm a muscular person but yes I do have fat on places like my hips and tummy. It's no big deal to me. I actually very much love my body.

Anyway, I'm a little off topic. So the picture and the comments. Well, a lot of people didn't like the joke, in fact they outright hated it and disapproved. I can see their reasoning behind it which was that the picture was insulting skinny people, people with high metabolisms, people with eating disorders, etc. I didn't really think of it that way to begin with but I can see why people were thinking that.

However, people were just becoming rude and nasty about it. They were saying that they were going to unlike the page, that the page wasn't about equal rights, and a lot of other things. Well, you can't make everybody happy. That's not even the first photo to be argued over.

There was another photo that had a picture of a man holding a car door open for a woman and it said "Real men still do this". Okay, maybe take out the word "real" and just substitute it for the word "nice" or say "gentlemen still do this". Not really that big of a deal and yet everyone was getting so upset over it saying things like "I don't need a man to do this for me!" and "I can open a door by myself thank you very much! I would be offended if they did this!"

Really? You would be offended if a guy held a door open for you? What about if a girl opens a door for a man? Would the man feel like he was less of a man and thus be offended? It's just a nice gesture, you guys. I guess I'm going to have to teach my future children not to open doors for anyone lest they offend someone. So remember kids, always slam a door in the person's face so they won't be offended.

My personal opinion of this, is that yes, I would very much appreciate a man holding open a car door for me. It's a nice thing to do for someone. I don't look at it as his way of saying that I'm too weak to open my own door. I would just look at it as him doing a nice thing for me. You sir, get a gold star for the day.

Damn, even the feminists can't get along. I have no hope for the rest of humanity. We have to get rid of all these double standards.

Family Dinner

Today was the last day of classes and it feels great to be done. However, I have a bunch of studying to do so it's going to be a very long weekend. As I expected I didn't do so well on my Chemistry exam. I don't get why I don't do well since I study very hard. I think I get confused on his tests or something and just don't know what he's exactly asking for.

I'll just have to study even harder for this final I guess and hope for the best. I already printed off all the practice exams and practice problems to keep me busy this weekend. I'm almost done writing my notes for my cardio class. I'll be getting on studying that too. I think the material will be easier for me to grasp since a lot of it is about metabolism which interests me.

I also need to get started on that Yule ritual but I have so many other things to do. I'm a little overwhelmed right now. I shouldn't even feel this way since my classes are over!

I'm looking forward to tonight though. I'm going to be at my boyfriend's family dinner and I am a little nervous. I want to make a good impression even if the only people there are his brother and aunt. His mom and dad are in Pakistan. I've been stressing out on what to wear all day long. I want to look cute, but conservative. I don't know.

I think I'm putting way too much thought into all of this. I should just wear something I'm comfortable in and call it a day. I'll have to update this later and let everyone know how it goes.

*Update*

So this post was supposed to have been posted yesterday but I guess it didn't. Since it didn't I'll just update you guys on the family dinner on here.

It actually went very well. My boyfriend's aunt is the sweetest lady. She's very tiny too. Anyway, the food was great and I had a really good time with them. I actually took some of the food home with me to eat for later. I think I made a good impression on his family.

Good Morning

It's 7 AM here in good ol' Georgia. I'll be heading off to work in about half an hour or so. Why am I up so early you may ask? The mornings are one of the rare times that I get to have to myself. I love it because it's quiet, peaceful, and serene. I love Tuesday and Thursday mornings the best because I'm the only one up at this time.

I'm able to do a little mental meditation in the mornings so I can focus on what needs to be done throughout the day. It keeps me energized and ready to tackle the world. I don't see very many "morning people" around anymore. I wonder if I could do a study on this one day.

I feel like morning people may be a little more productive throughout the day than those aren't. I only think this because they've had time to let their mind awaken. They probably already have a study on this somewhere and I might do a little research on it just to see what I can find.

People always ask why I get up so early. I get up this early even on the weekends. My biological clock has basically been conditioned for me to get up this early. I have no control over it. Once the sun is up, or just about to come up, then I'm up. I like waking up right before the sun so I can bid the moon farewell and greet the rising sun.

You know you love nature when you like this time of day and do that.

Reflection

You ever feel like you never have a break? I'm feeling like that right now. I'm not the energizer bunny here. I do need a little time to myself every once in awhile. I try to do periods of meditation and reflection to help with stress relief but lately I just haven't had the time.

I feel like I'm trying to take on too many things at once. College is really riding me right now with finals just around the corner and everything. I just had an hour and a half review session for my Animal Science Nutrition class and another session of that same time frame with my Physics group to work on a work sheet together.

I finally told everyone that I needed to go. I just need some time to myself to sit back, relax, and reflect. Not to mention the sleep that I am obviously missing out on. However, I'm probably going to use this time to update the Old Spirit Path Study Group web page to keep my students informed on upcoming events. The only time I get some time to relax is when my boyfriend comes over.

He really puts me at ease and I'm so happy when he's around. It's so different now between him and me. Before, we barely saw each other and I felt unimportant. I was never happy when he was around because I felt like he only came because he felt obligated to see me. Now I feel like he wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him and that makes me so happy. I want to be with him even more now and I find myself thinking about him and missing him more often.

I'm going to keep studying my ass off for these exams while trying to balance my social life and my Wiccan life. I'm doing all these things when some of the things I'm doing weren't supposed to be just on my shoulders. I wish my partner for the study group would help me out a little more. I'm in the process of drawing up a script for the Yule Ritual and I would really like some help on it.

Not that I need the help but I have a lot of other things on my plate right now. However, I know it won't get done if I don't do it myself. Hopefully, I can get it done by this weekend so I can send it out to the students along with a list of supplies they may want to bring.

I'm sure everything will work out. I took my Chemistry exam and Lab practicum today. I hope I did okay!

Under Pressure

It's crunch time here at college. It's time to get those last grades in and buckle down for finals week. I guess you could say that I'm procrastinating right now although not really. I'm just trying to remember what all I have to do and I'm praying that my Physics teacher does not drop a last minute assignment on me that's due tomorrow.

I just finished a paper that's due Thursday and I've been studying for my Chemistry exam all morning. I guess I need to do a little studying for my Animal Science quiz tomorrow. I'm more interested in updating my group website with a lot of interesting Wicca folklore, history, rituals, and facts. However, school comes before the Craft.

I'm really nervous about this upcoming Yule Ritual mainly because I feel like everyone is looking at me to lead them in it. I don't feel like I'm the most qualified person to be leading this ritual even though it is on a minor sabbat. I kind of wish my co-leader would do this one since I had to lead the Samhain one. I think it's her turn since we're going to be doing it at her place.

One of us can take on the High Priestess role and the other the High Priest. I guess I'll have to talk to her more about this. The "basic" Yule ritual for Dynion Mwyn is not so basic. It's actually very complicated with a whole bunch of dialogue. I hate to be reading from a script but I feel like that's how it's going to be this time.

I don't have time to memorize anything. I was never very good at public speaking either. I'm sure even if I did memorize everything I would forget the words as soon as the pressure set in. It's not so easy to lead people to enlightenment. I'm trying my best here but some things I have yet to learn. I'm still learning everything myself and I let my students know that. I'm sure some of them know more than me because they've been doing this way longer. I'm the youngest person in this group and it makes me feel just a little on edge.

However, I have confidence in myself. I have confidence in this group. My teacher has confidence in me. I will persevere.

Rock City

The people I sought to erase from my life are now back in it and I'm so happy. This all feels right now. I feel like everything is falling back into place for me. I feel like I'm back on the right path. I'm giving my ex another chance to prove to me that we should be together. He's proved to me that he's worth the risk.

Unfortunately, I did have to break another man's heart in the process who I was dating. I feel kind of bad about it but in a way I feel okay. I didn't have very strong feelings for the other. I wasn't in love and I was trying to force my heart to love him when that's not what I wanted.

I hated that I couldn't fall in love with him but I'm just so in love with my ex still. Soon to not be ex but boyfriend again. I'm taking a huge risk. He better love me more than ever and tell his family that there's no way he's ever going to let me go.I don't give third chances.

He took me to Rock City yesterday. It was so pretty up there with all the lights set up for Christmas and the beautiful rock formation and nature. I took a piece of willow branch for my collection. Maybe we'll go back up there one day together. I would like to go in the summer to see all the flowers in bloom.

They had this new thing up there that I had never seen. Well, it wasn't so new because I hadn't been there in a very long time and apparently it had been there for 6 years. It's was called Fairyland caverns. It was in a cave and had different scenes from different fairy tales inside. It was so beautiful.

I'm eating some of the fudge I had gotten from the fudge kitchen there right now. I brought home some really neat stuff. I love my gemstone tree and gem bracelet that I got. I think the gems on the tree are serpentine and the gem on my bracelet is aquamarine. I'll have to look it up later to see but either way they are beautiful!

Zen Paradise

Yesterday was a great study session with my Wiccan study group. I'm trying to set up a time and place we can gather and do a Yule ritual. We were all joking that we should because we may all be dead after that like everyone is saying. I have no doubt that there may be a great change coming on December 21st and after it. However, I do not believe that it's the end of the world.

I've survived about 4 different predicted apocalypses now so I think I'll survive another one.

I'm so ready to go home for the holidays. I have two weeks left of school and then I'm home free! I love this time of year. Fall is my favorite season with all the colors but I lover winter almost as much. My least favorite season is summer. Not that I don't like the warmness of the sun on my face or the light breezes, but I just get so bored during that time. I have nothing to occupy myself with.

I'm hoping that I'll get done today with my room. I'm thinking about rearranging some furniture. I'm worried that I'll do all this work and then get assigned a roommate when I get back for the holidays over Christmas. I'm not really sure but I secretly hope not. I don't want to take my zen paradise down and put the bed back together.

I have a few important things coming up this week such as a Chemistry exam and lab practicum in my Animal Science Reproductive anatomy and physiology class. I really need to do well on this Chemistry exam. My life depends on it!

Yule

It's getting much closer to Yule and I'm extremely excited for it. Today, I'm going to be decorating my room and transforming it into a zen paradise complete with a waterfall and beautiful crystal lights. I guess having my roommate move out back near the beginning of the semester was a good thing. I'll also be teaching a study session today about Yule, its traditions, history, and customs.

Yule various within each tradition. Some traditions reenact the great battle between the Oak King and Holly King, some use Ash as the wood for the Yule log while others use Oak, some sing Yule carols, the list could go on and on. I'll probably just hit some of the major points that are similar in all traditions.

Christmas isn't celebrated much differently from Yule. During Yule, people set up a Yule tree and decorate it with tinsel and ornaments and candles. They celebrate with feasts, gifts, caroling, and spread joy and happiness and wishes.They decorate with holly and mistletoe and light the Yule log. Also the main colors that symbolize this sabbat are red and green. Sounds a lot like Christmas doesn't it? Or should I say that Christmas sounds a lot like Yule since Yule predates Christmas.

Basically, Yule is the winter solstice and is normally celebrated between December 20-23 depending on the year. It celebrates the rebirth of the Oak King, or Sun King/God who will begin warming the frozen earth with the waxing of the year. It's a time for joy, happiness, and just the feeling of being alive!

On this day everyone should wish each other a happy well being. However, that's not always the case, unfortunately. Our teachings are not so different compared to all the religions that are floating around out there. Of course, there are a few exceptions to this rule. I really hope that one day we can all set our differences aside.

I really don't like the word "religion". I guess I don't like what comes to mind when people say that word. I feel like it's almost restrictive in some way, like I can't partake in anything outside the accepted religion. I love the word "spirituality", however. It sounds free to me, like I can express who I am openly. Like I don't have to conform to be a person of one boxed in religion. I can be everything at once and believe everything or reject everything and have a new belief.

That's just my opinion. I'm not sure if anyone feels the same way.

Friends Forever

Okay, I think it's about time to write something very serious and very meaningful to me. I was trying to do this last night but the internet was so backed up with college students doing last minute research for projects and presentations that I assume they forgot about over the break. Just like me.

Have you ever felt such a strong bond to someone and you're not really sure what it's about or why it's there or why you even feel that way? I have those bonds with certain people. People that I know are and will eventually be very important in my life. Once these bonds are fully formed it's really hard to let go no matter how hard you try.

I've been trying to sever deep bonds with some very close people and they know who they are. I've done everything to get rid of these deep feelings of kindred spirits by burying them, getting angry at them, telling myself I'm better off without them. In the process, I was not only hurting them, but hurting myself. I really need these people in my life.

It's hard for some people to admit that. Hell, it was hard for myself to admit that. I'm a very independent woman and I don't like admitting that I'm wrong or even to forgive people. I always want to force myself to harbor those feelings of anger, hatred, betrayal, and sadness. I guess I do it because it's easier to hate someone and not talk to them for a very long time or ever than it is to say sorry and forgive them and yourself for letting your disagreements and petty arguments get the best of you.

I can be a lot of things but not at the same time. When I first get into arguments with people I normally brush it off but then later on I start thinking about the situation and I feel the emotion that I should have been experiencing during the argument. That's when I make the mistake of bringing everything up again which just leads to a new argument.

I'm trying to do better. I'm trying to be a better and more understanding person. Someone told me I wasn't very understanding and I guess she was right. I only understand my feelings. She's recently been talking to me again which really surprised me to be honest. I thought she would never speak to me again. It makes me happy but at the same time it makes me nervous. I'm so afraid I'm going to say something wrong and she's going to be angry with me again.

We may never talk like we used to and that saddens me. We used to tell each other everything but I can't tell her everything anymore. It's not that I don't want to. I'm just afraid next time we have a misunderstanding then we really won't talk to each other.

You know, the Goddess really has blessed me with a very diverse group of friends. I love them all and I could not ask for anyone better.

Applebee's Blues

I just wrote a very lovely letter to the people at the good old Applebee's describing in detail the food poisoning they gave me over Thanksgiving Break. I wrote on their facebook wall telling them that it had happened and they apparently did not like my "very serious statement" about their establishment. Well they're just going to have to get used to it. It's not the first time I've gotten food poisoning from there.

My roommates were saying that maybe Applebee's will give me a giftcard. However, I do not want a giftcard to a restaurant that gives people food poisoning! I don't want to go through that again! Of course, I may be able to stick to safe foods there but I will always be haunted.

I keep remembering things that I need to do. I'm trying to keep myself from procrastinating as much as possible so I've been working on everything at once. I just remembered that my clothes are still upstairs in the dryer which I should probably go get.

Until we meet again.

Thanksgiving

It feels so good to be back at my college from Thanksgiving break! Not that being away and at home with family was bad, but I had work I had to do that was due when I got back so I was worried about that, studying to for tests so I was worried about that, and no internet so I couldn't even update anything. I won't have internet while I'm back home for Christmas either so I'll have to update this blog from my phone whenever I get the chance.

My Thanksgiving wasn't really that great. I had food poisoning on the one day out of the year where you're supposed to stuff your face with all this delicious food. Oh, and give thanks for what you have. I spent this Thanksgiving with my step mother's brother's family. I didn't know anyone and I didn't really feel like talking since I obviously wasn't feeling well. I'm probably the only person who lost weight over the break.

I did get to see a lot of my old friends but I had to drive all the way to my hometown which is now a hour away from the town I live in. So it was a lot of gas and a lot of money. I'm sad to be seeing the gas prices go up. Of course I knew that was going to happen since it's getting close to the holidays and the election is over.

I have a very important test on Wednesday that I need to get motivated to study for. That's my problem right now. I don't have any motivation to get back in the swing of things at school. It's really bad because I really need to tighten up for my finals that are coming up in about two weeks. I keep remembering things that I need to do. Fortunately, this is the only test I have this week so I can spend all night tonight and day tomorrow studying for it.

If I make an A on this exam then I will have an A in the class because the final will be optional. I'm not taking the final if I can help it.

Weekend Plans

The workload is starting to slow down for me but I know that I have to keep up otherwise it'll all come rushing back down on me. I have my physics test tomorrow and our teacher still hasn't given us the grades from our previous test or shown us the answer solutions to our third worksheet which is closely related to this upcoming test.

It's safe to say that I have one of the most unorganized and useless teachers ever.

I've been doing the optional problems that he assigned us yesterday and I can do them pretty well and they're fairly easy. However, I know the test is not easy. None of the tests that I've had in his class so far have been anywhere close to easy.

Friday night I'm going to an event called "Night at the Museum". It's based on the movie and it's at the Oak Hill Museum that is sponsored by my college. It's where our founder, Martha Berry, used to live and where her first school was started. The tickets sold out which is a little surprising. I hope it's fun!

Saturday I'm going shopping at Rue 21 only because I have a coupon that gets me $20 off a $40 purchase. If you've ever been to that store then you know that $40 can buy you a bunch of clothes. I'm thinking about buying jeans for the most part and maybe a nice shirt. It's probably a better deal than what'll be happening on Black Friday anyway.

I think my step mother is going to take Kelly (her daughter), my brother, and I all shopping. If she does then I probably won't buy anything. She only goes to name brand stores and their jeans are still $30+ on Black Friday and that's with 50% off!! I can't do that again like I did last year. I barely bought anything.

I also have the first Old Spirit Path study group session happening Saturday. I'm a little nervous because I want to be the best study group leader that I can be. This first session will just be a meet and greet kind of thing. I'll also be handing out a questionnaire to get to know the members.

All in all I think it's going to be a busy weekend. I'm also going to try and fit in some study time and get some work done. I have some things I need to get done over Thanksgiving Break.

It truly never ends.

Happy Diwali

Happy Diwali everyone! For those who don't know what that is it's the Festival of Lights that is celebrated by Hindus. It's also their Indian New Year. I just thought that it was something special to be recognized. I actually admire a lot of religious holidays that aren't my own.

Anyway, I finally have some time to relax for a bit before I start studying for my physics exam on Friday. Today I had a nutrition exam that I think I did well on. I'm so ready for Monday though because not only do I get off at noon since there is no work at the elementary school, but I also get to spend time with my new lover.

I really can't wait.

Next week is Thanksgiving Break. I'll be leaving to go home on Tuesday night since that's the last day of classes for me. I'm really excited to see my dad and little brother. It feels like I haven't seen them in forever. I'm just glad that I get to spend Thanksgiving with my dad who is hardly ever home for the holidays. He's a truck driver so his schedule isn't the best.

It's getting so close to the end of the semester and I'm really ready for the Christmas holidays. My boyfriend has said that he's going to take me on a trip to anywhere I want. I couldn't make up my mind so I just told him to surprise me. I'm thinking he's going to take me to Las Vegas or something. That would be really fun!

I know I probably shouldn't feel this but I feel pity for my ex. I'm happy and moved on and he's still stuck behind. Well, I guess Karma is taking it's toll now. He doesn't seem very happy, in fact he seems miserable. He has such a sad energy that I can feel. He's always bored and just really doesn't have anything to live for. Not that I would wish anything ill on him but his life seems very dull.

Well, I guess this was his fault and his decision. I think I was the only person that spiced up his life but oh well. He'll eventually find someone who wants to be as boring as him.

Revolution

I remember sitting in history class learning about the American Revolution and thinking to myself wow. Those Americans stood up for what they believed in and didn't hold back when they were outnumbered by the British. They fought for their independence till the ground was covered in their blood, sweat, and tears. They fought for freedom from Britain rule and from the constraints of taxation.

It looks like it all may be happening again real soon.

I read the news a lot. It seems like it has just been scandal after scandal in the White House. Now I see that 20 states have petitions to secede from the Union and Texas and Louisiana are almost up to 25,000 signatures in which the White House will need to respond.

It's amazing what all is happening around me. It's like I've traveled back in time to the American Revolution. All the talk is about taxes and how they are drowning us. It's just amazing what people are doing and how many are standing up for themselves this time.

We've all heard of secession before but I feel like it's a little different this time.

Just maybe...

Long Days Ahead

I just realized that this is my last full week before I leave for Thanksgiving Break. It's amazing how time has flown. It only seemed like yesterday when Thanksgiving was more than 3 weeks away. It's starting to make me nervous since I have a paper I need to work on for my Cardio class. I have to present it as well.

Right now I'm studying from my Nutrition exam on Tuesday. I'm studying all the fat and water soluble vitamins and trying to memorize their functions, deficiencies, and toxicities. I think I got them all down. Then I have to learn everything about carbs and the TCA cycle and some other cycles.

I've been studying all morning and I'm about to head out to Wal-mart with my roommates. I need to get printer ink and that binder that I mentioned in my last post. Those things are at the top of my list! I think after I memorize the last of the vitamins I'm going to look over carbs then get started on my physics worksheet since that's due Wednesday.

But enough about my work at college.

I went to see the new James Bond movie yesterday and I would recommend it to anyone that likes action films. It was really good and it wasn't slow. I hate when movies have story lines that are really slow and drag on forever.

My ex is still bothering me. He texted me yesterday to see what I was up to. When I told him I was going to Kennesaw to see the movie he freaked out asking me "who? what? where? why?". It's really getting quite annoying. He wanted to know if my friend was a boy or a girl. What difference would it make? We're not together anymore so why does it matter??

He's acting so strange. It's really starting to irritate me. I just wish he's tell me the truth about how he feels and then get over it.

Exams, Trashion Shows, and Wicca

It's been such a rough week! Finally it's over with...for now. I have two exams coming up next week in the classes that I didn't take exams for this week. I feel like all the professors are trying to get their exams in before Thanksgiving break. My exams for next week are in my Animal Science Nutrition class and my dreaded Physics class. I still don't even know what I made on the second exam in there.

I'm desperately trying to keep my grades up and make A's and B's this semester but it's looking pretty bleak. I have a feeling that I'm at least going to come out with one C. It's either going to be in Physics or my Cardio/Hepatic/Pulmonary/Renal Physiology class. I sure hope I can make it out alive!

I need to do well on my next two Organic Chemistry exams. That class is suffering since I'm taking so much time for my other classes and not that one. I'm trying to be on the ball for it. I haven't failed any exams but I haven't done as well as I should have.

What I really need is a new binder right now so I can get everything organized again. Organization helps me focus on what needs to get done and right now my little 1 inch binder is about to burst! I need to get a 3 inch binder at the least for all my notes! A new binder wouldn't be that bad since the binder I've been using I've had since I was in high school.

I have a lot of things to do today. I just got done writing my notes for Cardio and I need to go get my laundry from upstairs and get that out of the way. I also need to go drop off supplies for EMPOWER so we can get started on our garment for the Trashion Show! I have tons of plastic bags and stuff. It would be cool if we could make some elegant prom dress out of them.

I'm also heading down to Kennesaw today to go watch the new James Bond movie with my friend. That will take up a lot of my time but hey, I should have some fun on my Saturday.

Next weekend is the first meeting for the Old Spirit Path Study Group and I need to start setting up for that. I'm excited and nervous about it since I'll be teaching these student the Wiccan Way. They're counting on me and so is everyone else! Wish me the best of luck!

Three Tests

I haven't had much time for blogging. Not that I've forgotten about writing but I've just been so busy with school and things. I have three tests coming up on Wednesday and a critical thinking assignment due Thursday along with a quiz. After Thursday I will finally be able to relax and will probably fall into bed around six in the evening and not move from the spot till Friday morning.

If you asked me what my confidence level was for each of my tests, cardio/hepatic/pulmoary/renal physiology, reproductive anatomy and physiology, and organic chemistry, I would say on a scale of 1-10, an 8. 6, and 4 respectively. I'm trying to bring those numbers up. I'm studying mostly for cardio because that 's my hardest class.

I'm sitting here in my bed right now staring at my new socks that I got a few days ago and all the while I have pulmonary edema, cardiac arrest, and gas exchange formulas dancing through my head. I wonder if I'll dream of all this stuff tonight.

I should probably take a break from cardio and move on to studying a bit for my repro. It couldn't hurt I guess. I'm running out of time fast so I'll have to make better updates later.

Making My Move

I've been very busy recently trying to figure everything out. My ex boyfriend decided to text me on Thursday night saying that I cheated on him. Apparently he thought we were still together but I don't see how he could have thought that considering that he refused to talk to me for a week and told me never to contact him again. It really ruined my whole night.

I was over him. I really was until he decided to pop back into my life and all those old feelings came rushing back. I asked him why he thought I had cheated on him and he said that his friend back in Pakistan told him that I would 6 months ago.

What the fuck?

This friend has never met me, never spoken to me, or anything and apparently he knows everything about me. What the fuck ever. My ex is such a dumbass for believing that shit. I mean really was he thrown at a wall when he was little or something?

I believe this is all just a ploy to try and get back with me or something or make me feel guilty about having a new found happiness with another person. I'm not really sure what his game is but I don't feel like playing it anymore. I want off this this ride. Roller coasters were never my thing in the first place.

He's been talking to me now. He's been saying things like I don't love you anymore and you're a cheater and blah, blah, blah. If he really thought that I was a cheater and didn't love me anymore then why did he contact me? I hadn't spoken to him in over a week and then he just pops up out of the blue. He's even blocked on some of the social networks that I use.

This is all just a huge game that he wants to play to make me bow down to him and take him back while trying to make it seem like he's the one taking me back. Oh no! We couldn't hurt his pride now could we? This is all just stupid. He's supposed to be 24 years old and is acting like a 16 year old. Well this is it. It's time to put my foot down and just stop the communication.

I deserve to be happy and he deserves his regret.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween to everyone!

I've been working pretty much all day but I got to spend a little time with my new boyfriend and it was wonderful. He took me out to eat at one of my favorite Japanese restaurants. I finally get to eat meat again which is exciting! I just hope it won't mess up my stomach and digestive tract since I've been without meat for so long.

He's coming back to see me on Tuesday next week so I'm looking forward to that. We're going to try and make plans and go somewhere special together. Anywhere I want he said. Can't wait for that. I really want to go to New Orleans in Louisiana or maybe just to Savannah here in Georgia. I think I'll see how the French Quarters are in New Orleans since I'll probably never go there and I can go to Savannah whenever.

I've always been fascinated with that place. I hear it's not really special but I want to see it for myself and be the judge of that. I also wouldn't mind going to New York or Colorado. I've always wanted to visit Colorado. It would be nice to go somewhere with lots of snow. I've only seen snow maybe 5 times in my entire life.

I've always wanted to visit Colorado since I was a little girl. I pictured it as being majestic and beautiful with all the nature and wildlife around. I wonder if it'll be as beautiful as I picture it.

On another note...

It's so fun working at an elementary school on and close to the holidays because all the classes are having parties going on. Guess who gets all the left over cupcakes? This chick right here! I had some kids come by and offer me a cupcake and it was delicious.

The Green Lady

Last night was very fun and exciting. I performed a Samhain/Full Moon ritual with my partner in the Old Spirit Path Study Group. We celebrated in the moonlight and invited our ancestors, the Old Ones, and the God and Goddess to celebrate with us within our Circle.

While I was out there in the woods with my friend I sensed a presence. I sensed a very old feminine spirit in the woods with us and I felt at peace. We asked permission to enter the woods and perform our rites and then thanked the spirits when we left.

There's a legend at my college of a woman spirit known as the Green Lady who appears out near Viking Trail going up to Mountain Campus. It's said that you see her through the trees while driving up Stretch Road  and that if you get out of your car, turn it off, walk around in three times saying "Green Lady", then get back in and turn your car on that you'll see her in you rear view mirror.

I don't necessarily believe that part of the legend but I do believe that there is definitely a feminine presence in the woods. I saw many things out there which I believe to be Elementals. I saw men and women dashing through the trees out of the corner of my eye curious at what we were doing. At one point I was sure that I saw a man and woman kissing each other and then they disappeared.

I heard strange sounds too such as talking that seemed to whisper through the trees on the frigid air. We were so far away from any inhabited place that I don't see how human like voices could've been heard out there. It was exhilarating and slightly terrifying at the same time. We were out in the middle of the woods at night after all. Even though the moon was bright it was slightly eerie.

After the ritual, I came back to my dorm and went straight to sleep. I had a dream of the ritual that we did but in the dream a woman in a long pale green dress was watching us from outside our Circle and slightly smiling. She seemed curious about us and admired us at the same time. I could almost read what she was thinking in my dream. I felt that she admired our determination with our ritual even though it was freezing outside. She thought we were beautiful.

I find it neat that I had that dream on the same night. It's like a confirmation of the presence that I, we, felt and that the path we are treading is taking us in the right direction.

Steps To Breaking Up

I feel like I'm pacing myself through this break up step process. I haven't even really cried just because I don't feel like I should waste my tears on someone who doesn't care about me. So these are the steps that I've passed and are trying to get through right now.

Stop the communication: this is probably going to be the hardest. Although I have barely texted or called him it's hard for me to stick to this at least for right now. He never even officially broke up with me. Just stopped talking which is just like a dick to do. This might take me another week to do...

Delete all texts and phone calls from my phone: This one was pretty easy.

Delete all saved texts and pictures from my phone: This one not so much. Although I had no problem deleting pictures which was only one, I did have a problem with the saved text. It was so sweet and special to me at the time. I deleted it today though. I have to move on.

Block him on social sites: I've already blocked him on one of them which is known as meetme.com. The only reason he created a new account was to watch and see what I was doing on mine. He used to flirt and talk to other girls on his. I knew what he was up to. I'm pretty sure he cheated on me. I haven't blocked him on facebook yet and I'm surprised that he hasn't blocked me on there. Weird.

Delete his phone number: It's going to happen. One way or another his phone number will be deleted from my phone. After this week it'll probably happen.

Tell him exactly what I think of him: At the end of this week I'm going to write him an official notice of break up since he's not man enough to tell me outright himself. I'm going to tell him exactly what I think of him and he can hate me even more if it so pleases him. He doesn't even have to read it. It's for myself more than him.

These are my steps and they're working so far. I'm getting over him and moving on and looking forward to my fun filled night with my new lover.

New Love

I've never been so happy! I prayed to the Goddess to show me the way for a very long time and now it's finally happening. I've found the path that I'm supposed to be walking and I'm going to try my hardest to stick to it.

I'm so happy with my new lover. I knew this was where I was supposed to be going in my life. In the past I just felt so held back and held down. I wasn't free. I was being suppressed by the person who was supposed to love me. He couldn't accept who I was and who I am. I knew that that wasn't the kind of relationship that I wanted to have but I just didn't know how to get away.

I was stuck in a rut. We had been together for over a year and a half and I was just comfortable with being with him. He was safe territory that I had grown used to. I knew that our relationship was based on me giving in to everything that I wanted to do and be. I knew I was the one who wasn't getting any respect. I should have chopped off that dead limb when I had the chance. I was just too afraid to take the risk.

Why was I so afraid though?

I'm not even sure of that answer. I guess I was afraid of being alone. It's true that I hate being alone. I hate feeling like a failure. I didn't want that relationship to fail even though I knew it was ending. We were just too different. I needed acceptance and support, not rejection and judgement.

I feel like I wasted a year and a half of my life by trying to make someone else happy and not myself but I'm going to try and turn this into a learning experience. I'm slowly getting over this past relationship and I think by Halloween I will be mostly over it.

Halloween, also known as Samhain, is the Celtic New Year and this is what I'm going to pray for. I'm going to pray to keep myself on the path that the God and Goddess and the Old Ones have chosen for me and I'm going to pray to have the strength to let go of the past and move on and accept this new love that is blossoming for me.

Taking A Risk

Yesterday was very stressful for me. I'm sure that my boyfriend and I are broken up now. He told me never to call him or contact him again so I'm moving on and I'm with someone else now. Someone that I've always had in the back of my mind. Someone who's always been there for me and who has always made me feel special.

The only drawback is that he's much older than me. He's about 8 years older than me. Although I am 20 years old and completely of age to choose whomever I wish I am so afraid that I may be a little naive. He's had much more experience than me but I feel like he views me as an equal.

He's kind, sweet, loving, understanding, and supportive of everything I strive to do. That's all I've ever wanted and it appears that he has it all. We've known each other for almost 2 years and even dated for a while before I met my ex boyfriend. I just didn't know if we would work out considering that he lives 2 hours away.

Now I feel like I should give it a shot. He's definitely my kind of guy and cute. I needed to move on from this emotionally abusive relationship and move into something that was caring and loving. I needed someone who could deal with me being a Witch and how I view the world.

I'm a very independent and strong willed woman. I will not bow down to anyone for anything. I am not a slave to a man. I am my own person. I deserve respect just as the next person does. If you don't show me respect then I won't show you any. It's just how it is.

I guess it's time to take the risk. This is it.

Selfish Bastard

I hate fake people. I hate those people who act like they love you and then turn around and forget all about you as soon as someone else comes along. That's what happening right now. I'm being forgotten and ignored. I hate this feeling and it happens all the time with the guy who's supposed to love me.

He's rude to me, he's mean to me, he makes me feel like I'm worthless and pathetic. Does that sound like a man who's supposed to love you? I don't think so.

I've been sick for the past two weeks and finally had to go to the doctor because I got so sick that I just couldn't take it anymore. I tried to tell him that I was in the hospital and he ignored me, didn't even ask if I was okay. What kind of man is that? I'll tell you what kind of "man" that is. An uncaring, unloving, pathetic, selfish bastard. That's what that is.

I called him and he ignored me. He was just like "I'm too busy for you." That's no excuse! He takes off work to go see people he barely knows in the hospital but can't talk to me on the damn phone for five minutes or ask how I am?

I really know how to pick them!!

Symbols In Religion

There's something I think everyone should know before they decide to get a tattoo and that would be to find out what the symbol you're about to permanently ink into your skin actually means. I see it all the time now. I'm okay with religions borrowing our originally Pagan symbols to use to represent their single God and His divinity. I mean, they've been using the cross for several thousand years now so I'm not about to ask them to change it.

For all of you who don't know about the Celtic cross, it was around much longer before Christianity and stood for eternal life. The four points stood for the four paths to spiritual enlightenment. This variation came from a symbol even older called the Ankh which was used by the Egyptians which is a cross with a little circle at the top which was referred to as "the key of life".

Of course I'm sure the Christians use the cross to symbolize Jesus's crucifixion and how he sacrificed himself for his beliefs and as Christians believe for the sins of all mankind. That's a legitimate reason for them to use the cross as their symbol.

However.

Nowadays, I'm seeing more and more churches and people using the triquetra as a symbol to represent Christianity. No, no, no, no, no. This is an originally Pagan symbol dating back to Germanic Paganism. It was unclear for what it stood for back then but most believe it was for life, death, and rebirth. In Neo-Paganism it represents the three aspects of the Goddess: maiden, mother, and crone; it even has been said to represent the three aspects of the God: the Horned God, the God King, and the Sacrificing God.

This is my symbol. This is my religion. This is who I am. Please don't take this symbol away from us. I don't care about how much you want it to mean the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I thought that was what you had the cross for! I mean, isn't that the symbol priests make when they say "in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost" during Sunday Mass?

My triquetra has been turned into your trinity. So don't get mad at me when I correct you on the origin of the symbol. Don't get mad at me when I tell you it was originally a Pagan symbol because ya'll have chosen to incorporate it into your religion.

And please, don't get it tattooed on yourself and not expect someone to say something about it. Especially if it's someone like me who loves the Wiccan Way.

Books and Dreams

I did something hilariously stupid today. I was completely exhausted when I got back to my dorm and ended up walking down the wrong hallway to a door that was positioned where the door to my room would be and walked into someone's on-campus apartment. I immediately walked back out when I realized it wasn't my apartment and my roommates weren't there. Luckily no one was home but they completely left their door unlocked and I was too embarrassed to stick around and close it back. Oops.

Right after that I went to meet with my Teacher and sit down and have dinner and talk about the upcoming events with Samhain and the Full Moon. He's going to draw me up a basic Samhain ritual he wants my partner and I to perform and also a Full Moon ritual for us to do together. I'm extremely excited about all this.

He also gave us a book to read. It's titled Drawing Down the Moon by Margot Adler which is a very prominent magickal book. I'm pretty sure most pagans have heard of it and have even read it. This is the newest revised edition of it. I'll have to start reading that soon. I'm not sure how long it's going to take me since I have a lot of other stuff to do. I'll just have to make time over the weekends when I'm not studying.

I'm so ready to just get some sleep tonight. I feel like I haven't slept in a very long time. I've been getting up very early and getting to bed very late. However, I do sleep like a rock when I finally do get to sleep. I have dreams every night. Since I've been getting a deeper sleep I've been having more complex dreams. I normally remember all my dreams when I first wake up but I don't remember my dream from last night now. I remembered it when I woke up but not now.

Well, I'm off to the library to teach my group how to do physics.

Work Work Work

I never thought I would have a class that would frustrate me as much as physics! Two hours later after meeting up with my physics group for the second time, we have yet to finish our practice problem worksheet which happens to only contain ten problems. Maybe if I had a better teacher that would answer my questions straight out instead of maneuvering around my questions to give me some bullshit example that makes no sense at all then I would understand this class more.

I have been working non-stop on my school work especially since I found out that my course registration for spring happens next weekend. I have to set up my meetings with both my advisers since I'm a double major. I have zero time for these meetings. It looks like I'm actually going to have to take off work to go to them!

I'm at least keeping up with my studies which is a positive sign. I'm basically forcing myself to do homework and get things done long before they're due to get some stuff out of the way. It's paying off I feel like and I think it'll help me especially when I have those three tests on November 5th.

I have Animal Science Reproductive Anatomy and Physiology, Organic Chemistry, and Animal Science Cardio/Hepatic/Pulmonary/Renal Physiology all on November 5th. It also happens to be a Monday test. Oh joy.

Tomorrow I should be more relaxed. I'm meeting with my Wiccan Teacher to talk about the study group and   the requirements of the students and what is expected of them. He'll be giving me some lessons to give them that they are required to learn and that I am required to teach. He's also giving me a ritual that I and my partner in the study group are supposed to perform whenever we are together.

I'm very excited about all this progress we're making. I can tell that my psychic abilities are increasing as well. I know when things are going to happen before they happen. This isn't just with myself but with other people. I'm also following my intuition more closely because it's been beneficial and happens to always be right.

I'm so excited for Samhain! I'll be doing a ritual for the Sabbat with my partner. I think it'll be good for us to do this because then we can become familiar with each other and our energies. Also, it's just more fun when you're not alone.

Places To Meet

My trip to Alabama was uneventful. I didn't see much except for a road and some trees. However, I had a wonderful time with my friend in Cedartown. We went out to eat Mexican food and talked about things that I can't even remember now.

I went to meet up with the other Dynion Mwyn member who will be leading the study group with me. We're trying to decide on a place where everyone can meet up and talk and study the Wiccan tradition together. We had originally decided on somewhere in Carrollton but that's such a long drive from Rome especially since most of our students like in the Rome area.

Carrollton is closer for my partner but I'm trying to be a little considerate to our students and put it a little closer to Rome or at least at a half way point between us but it's proving to be hard. There aren't any places to meet in the small towns between us. Rome is the largest town out of all the towns between here and where my co-leader lives.

There's not really any place in Carrollton for us to meet at either. They don't have many coffee shops or even a bookstore such as Barnes & Noble's where we could meet and chat. I'm trying to get in contact with my partner right now and let her know we need to think of another solution. I would hate to make her drive all the way to Rome but it's looking like it's one of our only options.

A Few Weekend Plans

It's getting closer and closer to Halloween and closer and closer to me being able to eat meat! For those of you who don't know, I give up meat during the month of October in order to purify and cleanse my body and as a way to feel closer to the Goddess and her Earth. That's the long-story-short version anyway. It's been kind of tough recently because I am craving one of my favorite foods which happens to be big philly cheesesteaks! Yum!

I've been having to satisfy my cravings with cheese, lettuce, tomato, corn, and onion quesadillas. Hopefully I'll still love quesadillas after this month since I've been eating quite a few of them.

I'm going to Alabama tomorrow with a friend. I'm helping her with her kittens by taking her and them to the vet. The kittens needed a check up because they were very sick and didn't weigh very much. I'm sure everything will be okay though. She's also one of our new students in the study group.

After that, I'm heading down to see my co-leader of the Old Spirit Path Study Group to hopefully set up our first meeting date, place, and time so all our students can gather and get to know each other and learn the Welsh Wiccan tradition. Anyone from the Northwest Georgia region are welcome to study with us in light and love. You can contact us at oldspiritpath@gmail.com.

We're also open to people who are searching for guidance, teaching, and training who aren't from Georgia and wish to have lessons online. So if you're interested you know how to contact us.

Grandparents

Today was so awesome. I did volunteer work today at the Breast Center and met this really nice old lady named Evelyn. She was the coolest woman ever! She cracked jokes, told me about herself and her accomplishments, told me about the dog she got from the humane society and everything. She graduated from my college with a major in music at 79 years old! What a woman!

She told me how people around my campus saw her as a grandmother figure. I wish I had a grandmother like her. Most of my grandparents died when I was very young and the one remaining grandparent I have is my mother's mother who never visited us, talked to us, or wanted anything to do with us.

She's not really a grandmother in my opinion. On Grandparent's Day at my elementary school I would sit at my desk while everyone else was playing or off doing cool things with their grandparent's like eating lunch together. I hated Grandparent's Day and I still do. My teacher's would ask me if I had anyone for Grandparent's Day because they'd feel sorry for me. I would just tell them my grandparent's were dead.

It's not like my grandmother was unable to see me. She has two houses and is a multi-millionaire. She owns her own mountain in Tennessee with a mansion and a closed off apartment attached to it. It used to be a farm with beef cows until they sold them all. She also owns her own private beach in Panama City, Florida and beach house. We lived right off I-75 which is the interstate you'd take through Georgia to get to those places. They never stopped by and they would pass through at least twice a year.

I live about an hour and a half from my grandmother's mansion in Tennessee now because of where my college is located. She's never come to see me or asked me to see her. She's never called me a day in her life or emailed.

Yeah, I'm a little bitter about it and probably always will be because I'll see others who have the fun, baking cookies, can tell anything to, grandmother that I'll never have.

About a month ago I had the most awesome dream though. I had a dream of my great grandma (my mother's grandma) and of my granny (my father's mother). I remember my great grandma because she acted like a grandma to me. She used to take her fake teeth out and it would make me laugh. I remember my granny as well because I was four when she died from lung cancer. I remember seeing her for Easter in her bed and spinning around in my Easter dress to show it to her and giving her a hug.

In my dream they looked the same but younger, more lively. My great grandma was wearing a powder blue pant suit with a white blouse. She had brilliant white hair and glasses. My granny was wearing khaki pants, a blouse and cardigan. I sat down with them both. My great grandma told me she was very disappointed in my mother for cheating on my father and abandoning us. She said that she was very proud of me and wanted me to know that I grew into a beautiful young woman.

She made me laugh though because she was like, "I'm not so sure about this whole "Witch business" but I know you have a path and need to follow it". I asked her if she had seen God because I knew she was Christian. She surprised me with her answer. She told me that she hadn't seen God and that it could be a man or a woman or both so any religion could be right.

My granny was so cool. She was a little firecracker talking about my mother. It made me laugh. I bet if she were still alive we would've been great friends. She also told me about how proud she was of me.

It was a very vivid dream and a wonderful dream. I woke up with tears because I realized how much I missed them and how much I've had missed out on.

Last Weekend Disappointments

Now I'm ready to update everyone on what happened last weekend. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend Pagan Pride. My friend who was going to attend it with me was called in for work that day and I didn't feel safe walking around Atlanta by myself. I told myself there will always be next year. I'm sure it was fun though and I'm sure there were a lot of neat things being sold by the vendors such as tarot cards, rune stones, books, oils, herbs, robes, etc.

Of course I can buy those things whenever I want. I was running kind of low on cash anyway.

I did, however, get to spend more time with my friend down at her college. That was a plus. I think I did some blogging while I was down there and mentioned some of the things that we did so I don't need to go into detail.

I, also, did not get to go to Atlanta Pride which again I told myself there would always be next year. I was sick on that day anyway so it was probably for the best. I think the sudden change in temperature made me sick. Up here in North Georgia it's getting cold, but down there with my friend it was warm. It must have affected my sinuses.

Today is Love Your Body Day and I have to attend a pen making social and pizza party hosted by EMPOWER, our feminist activist group. I'm excited but then again I was really hoping to go to a meetup with the Dynion Mwyn group. I guess I'll have to wait till next month unfortunately. I'm not even sure that I'll be up here at college at that time since I think it's during Thanksgiving week.

I guess I'll have to wait even longer but all is not lost! The Old Spirit Path Study Group that I and my partner are organizing should be starting our meetups very soon for those who wish to learn the ways of Dynion Mwyn and the Welsh Wiccan tradition and lifestyle.

If anyone is interested in this you can contact us at oldspiritpath@gmail.com. Please be respectful and no spamming!

Small Update

After being sick for about two days, I'm ready to come back and rant and rave about what's been going on in my life. Although I feel like my posts are a little disappointing to some readers considering that my life is not filled with all the drama that most people around me seem to attract. Not saying that I have the perfect life because I'm far from that, but I do have a satisfying life.

That's more than what most people would say. I guess it's because I don't see any reason to hate life. I feel like it's just a waste of energy in the long run. You could take all that negative energy and turn it into something positive instead which would probably result in better luck.

I'm really tired of all these grudges that people seem to hold. It's really not worth it. How can you say that you've moved on when it still haunts you? I don't think people truly move on until everything is resolved so if the issue is never worked out then it will just eat you alive.

That's not something to look forward to.

Anyway, I have two tests coming up which I really need to focus on but I feel like I'm studying all the wrong material. It's very discouraging. While attempting to do an online study guide for the class, I felt like I knew nothing. It's such a terrible feeling! I really need to do good on these!

After these tests I can relax and start focusing more on other things that are important.

Seeing Old Friends

Right now I'm in my friend's dorm at Georgia College and State University. I've been down here since about noon today. She's been showing me all her campus and my feet are a little sore from walking everywhere. I think it's because of my shoes because they're getting old and a little thin at the soles. I got to meet a few of her friends. Well more like just one.

Her friend was an old roommate of hers that had moved in with her boyfriend in a different apartment building. The boyfriend was a little weird and kept trying to interrupt me when I was talking to his girlfriend. That shit gets annoying real fast. Especially when all he interrupted me to talk about was his stupid parrot he had. It wasn't anything spectacular. It was a plain old bird. It didn't even talk. It just sat on a perch and pooped.

I didn't get to go to Pagan Pride unfortunately. My friend who was supposed to go with me got caught up at work. I don't feel like I missed out on anything though because I'm sure there were just a lot of vendors there that sold the same stuff that I could buy online. However, I will try my hardest to go next year!

I'm glad I got down here to see my friend earlier. That way we could spend more time together. I'm not planning on leaving until 6 or 7 tomorrow night. I do have work I have to do on Monday and Tuesday even though it's my fall break at my college. It's probably a good thing though because then I can get more hours and then I'll be forced to study for my tests at work because it gets rather boring when there are no classes to teach.

I'm planning on seeing the new movie Sinister with my sort of boyfriend. I say sort of because he certainly doesn't act like a boyfriend and we're kind of separated at the moment. He called me today just to fight with me while I was trying to find out where my friend lived and ended up missing the road. I had to pull over in a parking lot just to talk because I was getting so frustrated.

Basically we ended up having an argument last night. Well, not really. I was trying to tell him my feelings about feeling lonely and wishing that he'd come see me more often. He told me to shut up because I was pissing him off so I didn't text him back and went to sleep. Then he texted me in the morning saying morning and I never texted him back. I didn't feel like talking to him plus I was on my way to see Marsha, my friend.

Then he called me to ask why I didn't text him back and I just said it was because he told me to shut up. Then he wanted to argue with me to the point where I just said "Look, why are you calling me?" and he was like, "Because I miss you."

Psssh!

Guys are so stupid sometimes. Period.

Being A Mentor

It's Fall Break! And yet, there will be no break for me unfortunately. I have two tests next week along with creating new physics notes and keeping up with my reading for the study group. I have this huge teacher manual to read which I've started on. It's actually quite interesting and motivating and I hope I can be of some real help when teaching my students the Wiccan tradition.

I'm hoping to get with my partner soon and make up some study plans and outline some lessons. I like to be organized and go about this the right way. I don't want our students to feel that we are unorganized because that brings about a feeling of stress which can lead to bad energy in the group. That's not how I want new students and seekers to feel when deciding to study with us.

I recently bought hematite stones for all the potential students coming to study with us. I gave two students their stones today and will be giving the others theirs soon. Possibly during the first meeting if I do not see them sooner. I felt that the students didn't need to be bombarded with negative energy while they were trying to study the Craft. Hematite stones repel negative energy.

I also got some green Jade stones. Jade is connected with the heart chakra in the body. However, green Jade is also connected with the Third Eye. It's said to help with peaceful dreaming by eliminating bad ones. I gave one of them to one of my students as well to help with his nightmares.

I feel like I'm actually doing some good in this world, like I'm actually making a difference in peoples' lives. That's what I love about being a mentor. I try to bring in calm, peaceful energy with me while I'm meeting with students and get to know them on a personal level. I feel it's all part of being a good leader and maybe one day a good High Priestess.

This is a big step for me and I'm ready to take the risk. As I've said before I don't know every single thing about the Craft but that should be expected. I want to guide these seekers on a path that is right for them and help them along the way. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I'm taking the risk.

There's no turning back now.

On another note, I'm going to Pagan Pride tomorrow. I'm really excited. I'm dragging my friend along with me. Then I'm going down to visit my old High School friend and spend the night so I probably won't get to blog tomorrow or Sunday but I'll try!

Don't miss me too much!

Chosen Path

I'm having a hard time focusing on my studies when all I really want to do is work on the Wiccan study group. It's taking up most of my brain power today. I haven't even looked at my notes for Reproductive Physiology and I have a quiz in there tomorrow. I've been working on studying for my test and doing stuff with the study group.

My partner and I have decided to call our study group the Old Spirit Path. We believe it suits what people are going to be looking for and expecting from a Wiccan tradition such as ours in Dynion Mwyn. I'm just so excited to spread the word and the truth about Wiccan traditions.

Most people view Wicca as an extreme. Either it's all rainbows and butterflies and full of fluffy bunnies, or it's dark, depressing, and evil. Of course, true Wicca isn't like that at all. It's a peaceful earth based religion that has a balance of light and dark elements to it. There is life, death, and rebirth. There is restoration, reconstruction, and destruction. It's not as black and white as what people may think it is.

We want to show people those gray areas that they've been missing out on. I probably shouldn't say "gray" because it's these areas that lead people down a vibrant path into the mysterious, the unknown, and the enlightened.

You just have to be that risk taker sometimes to get on a path that is right for you in life. I've found mine. How about you?

Love Your Body

There are some people in life you feel as though you can't live without. I get this feeling sometimes when I fall for someone. However, I've learned that I can live without people and move on. I moved on and found a whole new group of friends and people that I want to help and heal and be there for. Those people who may or may not be reading my blog know who they are.

I'm working really hard on school and putting together the Wiccan study group. I'm so worried that I won't be that great of a mentor to people. It's really hard to try and teach people your beliefs and traditions from your sect of Wicca when they all have some sort of knowledge on it already whether it's right or wrong. I'm not trying to change people's opinions or try and change their beliefs but I will be teaching them ours in Dynion Mwyn.

I hope that doesn't offend anyone.

I admit that I don't know everything about Wicca and I am still learning myself which I will continue to do so until I die. I do learn some interesting things from other people. It may not be necessarily what Dynion Mwyn believes but I still listen and enjoy learning what others have to offer. Of course, I have heard some pretty outrageous things, I have to say.

I wanted to go to a meetup group next Wednesday for DM just to see if a certain someone showed up but I'll guess I'll have to wait because I forgot that I have some stuff to do with Empower, the feminist activist organization on my campus. Next Wednesday (October 17) is national "Love Your Body" Day. So all you women and men out there need to go get in front of a mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful.

I'm sure more women will participate in this than men.

As treasurer of Empower, I have to be present at this mainly because I have to help the president with the spring allocation form so we can get our money. Not many people know about this day but I think it should receive more recognition because it's for a good cause.

There are so many young girls and women out there with self esteem issues and most of those issues have to do with their bodies. Through the media, we've created this ideal image of men and women and those of us who are considered normal don't meet this ideal image. This is just sad because I'm 5'9 and about 160 pounds which is considered normal and healthy. I do a lot of weight training and running so I have a lot of muscle mass.

Of course, this is considered overweight in the media and they would never feature a girl like me in an ad. Maybe one day it'll all change.

But for now, love your body.

Not Enough Time In A Day

I need to start remembering where I put my hematite stone so I don't lose it again. I end up losing it and then something bad happens. For those of you who don't know the properties of crystals and stones, hematite stones are used for repelling negative energy. It's said once they have absorbed and repelled enough negative energy they crack. That's when you need to get a new one.

However, mine hasn't cracked. I just misplace it sometimes and then it reappears again soon after. Of course, every time I lose it I become bombarded with negative energy. The last time I lost it was last Thursday right before everything happened with my brother. I found it again yesterday on accident. I wasn't looking for it but it found me again.

Now it seems that everything is going back to normal.

Of course, my physics class is still killing me. I just wish my teacher would go ahead and grade my test already and post it so I can go ahead and drop the class. It's been two weeks since we took the test and he said he would post the grades yesterday. I've been constantly checking and they're still not up yet which makes me wonder if he's trying to keep them away from us because there are more people who want to withdraw.

He's really nice, but it's his first year teaching and I've never had any prior experience with physics. I learn by examples and step by step instructions with problems but he doesn't teach that way. We'll be on step one and then he skips to step ten. That's just not how I learn at all.

Hopefully, I'll be able to attend power yoga tomorrow as long as I get done with everything that I wanted to finish today. That includes my critical thinking assignment, rewriting the rest of my power point notes in my Cardio/hepatic/pulmonary/renal Physiology class, and reading some of the book and taking notes for my Reproductive Physiology class. Then I won't feel so overwhelmed later on.

Just talking about it makes me feel like I'm procrastinating but I'm really not. My tests aren't till Friday and I'm giving myself plenty of time to study the material. My critical thinking assignment isn't due till Thursday and I'm going to try and get it done today if I can.

I'm also contacting more potential students for the new study group. I really need to meet up with the other Dynion Mwyn member about getting organized with this group and starting meetups for it. That would make it so much easier than me going to meet with them all on separate days and telling them different things at different times.

So much to do and so little time. I wonder how I find time to still blog.

Oh well, wish me luck this week!

Weekend Plans

I had to take a break yesterday from writing. My energy was all over the place because my emotions were running so high over everything that's happened with my family. I had to ground my energy first before I decided to write any more about the situation at hand.

My brother and I had an awesome weekend together. We went to IHOP. We went caving and saw bats! We watched a movie together called Looper. We went to the new Mexican restaurant that opened up not too long ago. We went to the carnival and road rides and went to Steak n' Shake a couple of times.

Of course, in the back of my mind while we were doing all this, I kept wondering what would happen when he got home. Apparently everything turned out fine when he got home but I'm a little skeptical. I feel like it was fine because he made it seem fine but inside I feel like it really wasn't.

My fall break is coming up this weekend and I won't be returning home for it. I'm going to Pagan Pride with a friend and hopefully I'll get to meet with the other Dynion Mwyn member who I will be starting a Study Group with. I'll be spending the night off with my old High School buddy down at her college and I'm going to ask her if she wants to march with me in Atlanta Pride.

It's going to be a fun weekend as soon as I get past these two tests that I have on Friday.

It's a good thing I'm craving vegetables during my month of vegetarianism.

The 5K and Life

I just got finished running the 5K and boy do I feel great! Now it's time to go to IHOP and get some good breakfast food, vegetarian of course. I'm making my brother get up because he's going with me.

I feel so awkward though. My dad is still obviously angry about everything and at his wits end when it comes to my brother and my stepmother. I had a long talk with my brother last night about everything that was going on and discovered that a lot of things that set my brother off have been because of our stepmother.

He really doesn't like her and I found out why last night. They're little things but they've all been adding up over the months and mushroomed. It kind of seems like she tries to get him in trouble with our dad. She told our father that my brother lied to her about being late to school when he never even told her the reason. She works at the school in an administrative position and my brother had to fill out a tardy sheet and just wrote down that he had car trouble instead of saying that he had picked up his girlfriend to go to school and was late getting back.

I suppose she read the slip and decided that he had lied to her. Then when my brother tried to get off work early to come up and see me she was all giddy like a school girl to have our dad yell at my brother over the phone. What the hell?

That shit would piss me off too.

She spoils her daughter and tells my brother to clean her house while her daughter sits in her room doing nothing but watch T.V. all day. I've see her daughter's room. Every time I go over there it's like a bomb went off. Just mountains of clothes everywhere and sometimes I see field mice in her room! It's so disgusting! I hate when I have to sleep in there because I feel like I'm going to wake up with a mouse sitting on my face!

And yet, my step mother is giving her a brand new car for Christmas even though she is only 15 and the most terrible driver I have ever seen. She's way too immature for a car at this time. I'm afraid that she's going to get that car and the next time I go down to my stepmother's house I'm going to see it wrapped around a tree in the yard.

Bad Situations

It seems that life is playing a very cruel and stressful joke on me. I was so excited for my brother to come up this weekend for Mountain Day at my college. It was supposed to be a fun carefree weekend until everything went crazy.

My brother has never had any official rules set in place for him or any discipline. My father and my stepmother decided to impose a curfew on him for 9:30 PM on week nights. This is understandable because they want him to do well in school and get his homework done and all that good scholarly stuff.

Well he's broke curfew twice already and this morning took his girlfriend to school which is 30 minutes in the opposite direction of his school and thus being late to school himself.

My step mother was fighting with my father about this telling him he needed to discipline my brother so she wanted him not to come see me this weekend. This meant I was to be punished as well and so was my father because he had planned to see my aunt and uncle this weekend but instead had to stay home and babysit my 18 year old brother at the house.

So what does my brother do after finding this out?

He leaves his school, goes to see his girlfriend, and then heads up here anyway. Meanwhile, my dad is seriously pissed off and put into a bad situation with my step mother.

I'm glad my brother is coming to see me but I'm not taking him to Atlanta or Netherworld or the Hard Rock Cafe like I had planned. This isn't fair to my dad when he does so much for us. He shouldn't be treated this way so disrespectfully. I could hear the sadness and disappointment in my dad when I spoke with him over the phone.

It really breaks my heart and I feel like my brother is not only letting the people around him down but himself down. He lost his job for not showing up and skipping out and has ISS when he goes back to school. He will lose his car and phone as well.

This all started happening as soon as he got that girlfriend who happens to be 15 by the way. As soon as they started dating everything went to hell. I can't believe that he threw away everything that was going good for him for a slutty 15 year old.

This really, really disappoints me.

Right now I'm waiting for him to get here. His phone died though and he has no idea where he's going. He'll make it to the town but I don't know if he'll be to find my college or my dorm on campus. I'm really worried.

Discovering Sexuality

Volunteering at the Breast Center just keeps getting better and better. I just love talking to the patients and one of them really made my day today. While she was leaving with the nurse I heard her tell the nurse that I was precious. It really made my day to hear that.

All I've been hearing recently has just really brought me down. I was just so glad to hear something positive being said about me by a complete stranger instead of all the things said by my friend. I'm still holding onto hope that we may still be friends even if that makes me sound like a dumbass.

I also went to another LGBT meeting and was excited to hear that we will be marching in Atlanta Pride! Pagan Pride is also happening on the same day as Pride but not on the same day as the march which is great. I can't wait to go to it. That's all happening next weekend and I'll make sure to keep everyone updated on those events.

The club meeting was very personal today. I came in a little late because I had to rush over from the hospital to make it on time so I walked in when people were sharing their experiences with their sexuality and how they came out to their family members and friends. I won't retell any of the stories for privacy but hearing some of these stories really saddened me.

I know that this is a difficult issue for some people to come out and talk about but being gay, a lesbian, bisexual, transgender, pansexual, asexual, or any other -sexual/gender shouldn't matter. We are all human beings here and deserve the same rights as everyone else.

What I hate hearing the most is when people say "well that's your choice". It's not a choice. It's just how you were born.. You can't help who you're attracted to. There are many other species of animal that practice homoerotic behaviors so who's to say that humans are different? We're classified in the mammals' category. We are technically animals whether you want to say we are or not.

Some animals are faster, some are stronger, and some are smarter. We just happened to be more intelligent when it came to that category.

Or maybe we're not because intelligent people wouldn't deny a fellow human their right to live the way they want to and be with the person they love.

Shit Happens

I'm excited that my Teacher decided that I should start running a study group with a fellow Dynion Mwyn member for Pagans and Witches interested in the Craft. I'm also excited about running the meetups in the North Georgia area.

It's just too bad that I'm so bummed about what happened between my friend and I today. I contacted her thinking that maybe she had gotten over our tiff about the whole Pagan Pride thing and visiting and boy was I wrong. What I wrote in my blog the other day about severing ties with her it was just how I was feeling at the moment because I don't like being in limbo about if we're still friends or not.

I like to have resolution as soon as possible and not in a month or a year from now.

Everything between us was just a huge misunderstanding. I had already apologized for my misunderstanding of the situation but she just couldn't get over hers. I guess that's that now. I really tried to make our friendship work by staying in touch with each other.

I talked to my Teacher about all this and he basically told me the same thing. I didn't misrepresent what happened. I told him exactly what happened and what I got from the situation and understood from it. She just couldn't see my side of the situation or how I had viewed it.

I have one of her books that I'm supposed to give back to her but if she wants it back she's going to have to come get it from me herself. I'm not driving all the way down to a town that I don't even live in anymore to drop it off with a friend to give back to her when she goes home. That's bullshit. Unless she wants to pay for my gas to go out of my way to do that then she can just buy another book.

I'm not going out of my way for someone who clearly doesn't want to be my friend anymore.

Destiny?

It's day three of my vegetarianism and I am so full of vegetables at this point. I don't even like zucchini but that's what I ate for lunch today. It was some kind of vegetarian zucchini lasagna with corn. It wasn't that bad actually. Then again, I guess nothing could be that bad when you're hungry as hell.

I have a meeting with my Teacher tonight and hopefully a lot of things will be explained about my path to Wicca and how I fit into it. I'm excited to learn these things and find my place. I'll have to update what I find out from my Teacher later if I can.

Right now, I'm on my off time from work. There wasn't any work for me this week because the elementary school that I work at is on fall break. You would think that I would enjoy the free time but I really don't. I like being up and about doing something so I can at least exert some of this energy that I have built up inside me.

It's really hard to find something I can do to exert my energy to the point where I can sleep at night soundly. I may go to bed early but I always wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for a very long time. I don't think I've slept soundly in at least a year.

In my Coven, I'm what is referred to as a generator. I produce most of the energy used in the Circle by the other members for healing, spells, etc. My Teacher is supposed to help clarify some things about my destiny tonight. I hope it's not anticlimactic.