Last Saturday was so awesome! I went with some friends to the Atlanta Pagan Marketplace and it was just so much fun. There were so many people there! I was able to get myself a pentacle for my altar, a wand made of Willow, and a really neat Celtic style journal that I'll be keeping my nature observations in. I also got a henna tattoo of the sun and colored a bookmark that had a symbol of the Goddess holding a sun.
The wand is pretty plain. Basically right now it's just a stick but that's how I wanted it. I want to make it beautiful and make it my own. I'm thinking about going to Michael's this weekend or to the Hobby Lobby in my hometown and finding leather to wrap around the handle. I have a necklace that broke that had leather in it and these silver beads that I want to put on the wand. I also want a feather to put on it. Maybe the swan down at swan lake will drop a few? I'll probably also be wrapping copper wire around it in neat designs and put a crystal at the top. I think it will look fantastic and totally be my own.
I've also been thinking about making myself a robe and a cloak. I have these ideas floating around in my head right now about it and I can't wait to make it happen. I'll have to sew everything by hand so it'll probably take me awhile. I also need to make myself a Cingulum. There's just a lot of things that I want to do right now. I just need to round up all the supplies first and herbs and things to consecrate them with.
The other day I was out catching rainwater in the storm. I'm sure it'll be useful with cleansing and spells that I wish to perform. I feel like I'm finally happy and I know what I want to do with my life. Things do really come to those who wait and I believe I've been waiting for awhile.
I can't wait to start writing in my new journal and get my new items consecrated. The Full Moon is soon so that will be a good time to do these things. I'll probably do it tomorrow though because I work really late on Wednesdays and I don't want to be too tired to perform the rituals.
Yes ma'am, things are looking up!
Monday, March 25, 2013
Friday, March 22, 2013
The Future
I believe I finally know what I want to do with my life and I'm so excited about it! I believe my excitement means that I've made the right choice and I can't wait to start putting it into action! So right now I'm at this very expensive private college and not really wanting to go on to graduate school because I don't really want a Master's in chemistry or animal science. I don't love these subjects well enough to go another 4 more years of schooling and paying more money for them.
So.
After I graduate from this college which will be next May, I will have a degree in Animal Science and Biochemistry. Well, that's good. But now, I'm looking into a degree in nursing at other colleges and universities so that I can go into the military as a registered nurse.
Now, I know some people would be like what? Why? Well, I want something that is fulfilling and doesn't require digging myself out of enormous debt and I still get to travel. Sounds like the military to me. I hear they're looking for registered nurses to enter into the military that are at my age. So I'm looking into schools for a BSN. It should only take me about 2 years to get all the clinical classes done since I'll have the courses for biology, chemistry, physics, math, etc.
Then I can enlist or go ahead and enlist and they'll pay for me to go through college and pay off my debts. I think it'll be something extremely worthwhile. And who knows? Maybe there's a dashing young soldier ready to meet a girl like me.
So.
After I graduate from this college which will be next May, I will have a degree in Animal Science and Biochemistry. Well, that's good. But now, I'm looking into a degree in nursing at other colleges and universities so that I can go into the military as a registered nurse.
Now, I know some people would be like what? Why? Well, I want something that is fulfilling and doesn't require digging myself out of enormous debt and I still get to travel. Sounds like the military to me. I hear they're looking for registered nurses to enter into the military that are at my age. So I'm looking into schools for a BSN. It should only take me about 2 years to get all the clinical classes done since I'll have the courses for biology, chemistry, physics, math, etc.
Then I can enlist or go ahead and enlist and they'll pay for me to go through college and pay off my debts. I think it'll be something extremely worthwhile. And who knows? Maybe there's a dashing young soldier ready to meet a girl like me.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
The Beauty of Nature
Today, I went hiking with my ex. It's getting better between us I believe. My resentment and anger toward the whole situation has subsided. I am still heart broken but I'm learning to stand on my own two feet again. I'm not sure if I'll ever stop loving him and I don't think he'll ever stop loving me but I've decided that that's okay. We can still be the best of friends and stay in each other's life. He's leaving to go back to Pakistan in May but he says that he'll write me, text me on whatsapp, and send me cards for my birthday and Valentine's Day.
As we were hiking though, I noticed something. I noticed how fast he was walking and how fast I was walking. I stopped to enjoy the scenery but he kept moving forward on the path looking at the ground in front of him and missing the trees, the birds, the rabbits, the golden grass, everything. I told him to stop and pause and breathe.
We stood there. He kept asking what we were supposed to be looking at. I told him to shut up and just observe. To listen to the nature around us and hear what it's saying. After a bit of fussing he finally did what he was told. I spoke to him softly, guiding him to look and listen and think. Those long leaf pines have been around for decades giving off their energy, their oxygen, keeping us alive.
The birds were calling to each other telling others where they were, where they were heading, what they were doing, what they wanted. Then something amazing happened. His body changed, he relaxed, and he began to listen to not only what I was saying but to the voices of nature around us. It was magickal and beautiful. When he turned to face me he hugged me tight and later he kissed me.
I bring magick to his life and he knows that he won't have that later on. Sometimes I think he's losing much more than I am. At least I have a chance to find someone who I love and he has to spend his life with a stranger.
As we were hiking though, I noticed something. I noticed how fast he was walking and how fast I was walking. I stopped to enjoy the scenery but he kept moving forward on the path looking at the ground in front of him and missing the trees, the birds, the rabbits, the golden grass, everything. I told him to stop and pause and breathe.
We stood there. He kept asking what we were supposed to be looking at. I told him to shut up and just observe. To listen to the nature around us and hear what it's saying. After a bit of fussing he finally did what he was told. I spoke to him softly, guiding him to look and listen and think. Those long leaf pines have been around for decades giving off their energy, their oxygen, keeping us alive.
The birds were calling to each other telling others where they were, where they were heading, what they were doing, what they wanted. Then something amazing happened. His body changed, he relaxed, and he began to listen to not only what I was saying but to the voices of nature around us. It was magickal and beautiful. When he turned to face me he hugged me tight and later he kissed me.
I bring magick to his life and he knows that he won't have that later on. Sometimes I think he's losing much more than I am. At least I have a chance to find someone who I love and he has to spend his life with a stranger.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Getting Into Shape
I've been doing a lot of thinking. I need to do something to change my life. I'm feeling a little stagnant and I think it's because of all the disappointments that are happening. Disappointments in my love life and in my Craft life. I know none of the things that are happening to me are my fault. They've been brought about by the choices people have been making around me. I don't like feeling like I have no control.
I've been hiking and biking recently. I feel like maybe if I become more in tune with nature and more in shape physically then I'll start feeling more in shape emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Does this sound like a good idea? I need something to focus on other than all the disappointments and I feel like my body is a good place to start.
Today, I went on an 8 mile bike ride down Viking Trail on my college campus. Yesterday, I went hiking with a friend and I'm sure we walked at least 2 or 3 miles. The place we were at was so pretty. If I had been alone I would've walked off the trail into the field of tall golden grass and sparse long leaf pine saplings. The sun hit it just right to make the whole field appear gold.
I'll probably go hiking tomorrow as well. I'm just tired of thinking so much about things that don't even concern me anymore. I've kind of stopped caring about my love life. That's not going to change anytime soon. Maybe it'll be fun getting to know someone new on a deep personal level. I just don't know when I'll be ready to do that again.
I've been hiking and biking recently. I feel like maybe if I become more in tune with nature and more in shape physically then I'll start feeling more in shape emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Does this sound like a good idea? I need something to focus on other than all the disappointments and I feel like my body is a good place to start.
Today, I went on an 8 mile bike ride down Viking Trail on my college campus. Yesterday, I went hiking with a friend and I'm sure we walked at least 2 or 3 miles. The place we were at was so pretty. If I had been alone I would've walked off the trail into the field of tall golden grass and sparse long leaf pine saplings. The sun hit it just right to make the whole field appear gold.
I'll probably go hiking tomorrow as well. I'm just tired of thinking so much about things that don't even concern me anymore. I've kind of stopped caring about my love life. That's not going to change anytime soon. Maybe it'll be fun getting to know someone new on a deep personal level. I just don't know when I'll be ready to do that again.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Random Thoughts
Life has been hitting me hard this past week. I've been all over the place for spring break I feel like. I feel like I'm very behind on all my work but I guess I'm not really. I haven't been updating my blogs and things like I wanted to. I was preoccupied with a friend of mine who I brought down to stay with me for awhile from North Carolina. Then I got sick right when I went home to see my family.
I'm hoping I'll be able to catch up on everything that I want to do. I have an exam at the end of the week. Physics homework that's due Wednesday and a worksheet that's also due at the end of the week. I have a presentation tomorrow in my psych class and I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed I suppose. I also have make up work to do in my calculus class because I missed the class Friday to pick up my friend. Hopefully my teacher or the girl next to me will let me copy her notes real quick. I hate feeling like I'm behind.
As soon as I catch up on some of this work, I'm going to look into graduate schools and start applying. That's my goal anyway. I need to get started on this stuff soon. I feel like I'm slowly running out of time.
I'm thinking about starting a new journal just for nature observations. I've been feeling closer to nature and that may because it's starting to get warmer so I can spend more time outside. I actually like being woken up by the birds singing outside my window. I've been dwelling too much on the past I think. Worrying about other people's futures and not enough about my own.
I'm hoping I'll be able to catch up on everything that I want to do. I have an exam at the end of the week. Physics homework that's due Wednesday and a worksheet that's also due at the end of the week. I have a presentation tomorrow in my psych class and I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed I suppose. I also have make up work to do in my calculus class because I missed the class Friday to pick up my friend. Hopefully my teacher or the girl next to me will let me copy her notes real quick. I hate feeling like I'm behind.
As soon as I catch up on some of this work, I'm going to look into graduate schools and start applying. That's my goal anyway. I need to get started on this stuff soon. I feel like I'm slowly running out of time.
I'm thinking about starting a new journal just for nature observations. I've been feeling closer to nature and that may because it's starting to get warmer so I can spend more time outside. I actually like being woken up by the birds singing outside my window. I've been dwelling too much on the past I think. Worrying about other people's futures and not enough about my own.
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