Worrying

I've been so wrapped up in my own miseries that I almost completely forgot about the Full Moon this weekend and about the ritual I was supposed to be preparing for my group. Maybe it'll be a good time to cast some spells that are relevant to the situation. Maybe a spell to bring me peace, help me heal, or help me find love. I'm not sure yet.

My friend also reminded me about Imbolc and asked if we would do a ritual together for it. Man, I am so out of it. I'm so worried about everything else that is happening. I shouldn't worry so much. I was on facebook today and saw a picture with one of those inspirational quotes talking about worrying. I can't remember exactly what it said but it was saying something about worrying makes you think of the worst possible outcomes and help make them come true.

Maybe it's right. Maybe I should only think positive thoughts but then I don't want to be too hopeful. I'll be even more crushed if I'm too hopeful about me and my ex. So you can see why I'm all messed up. I'm not really waiting for him either. I am putting myself out there but I'm so down on myself right now that I'm not really putting in my best effort.

I think I should just drown myself in my studies here at college for awhile and reading books. I need to stay focused on school since it's very important. I really hope I come out of this funk soon. I'm just a little angry that he didn't go to Pakistan and now I have to wait two more weeks to know what the final decision is. I really hope it doesn't break my heart...again.