Tonight is a full moon as most of you know, or will come to realize later tonight when it appears in the sky. I should be happy; I should feel like celebrating but right now I'm just thinking about everything else that's going on. I'm afraid of my emotions and the things I say today because my words backed by my uncontrolled emotions could possibly direct very unwanted results.
Everything will be charged today by the full moon. I feel like I'm fighting myself. I did a tarot card reading yesterday and discovered that my ex's parents would be understanding and allow him to be with me. However, there would be some pretty hefty consequences. Since tarot cards are oracles and what they say can change all the time I don't take them straight to heart but I do give them considerate thought.
The consequences included apprehension, fear, duplicity, living a double life, disloyalty, and I believe them. I feel like I can't have both the Craft and my ex in my life. I have to choose between them. People may think me a fool for giving up my beliefs for another but I truly love him. It's hard for me to decide right now especially since I'm not positive that his parents will let us be together.
I do want us to be together but in the back of my mind there's a voice telling me to wait. The day after he broke up with me, I had a dream. I was sitting beside a lake surrounded by lush grass, beautiful full trees, and colorful flowers. A woman in a white dress with pink flowers wreathed around her head was sitting on a rock beside the lake. I was crying into her lap as she ran hers hands through my hair.
She told me that everything would be okay and if I truly wanted to be with him then I would be. However, she told me that if I were patient and waited for two months then I would find healing in another. It was a very profound dream. Maybe I was speaking to the Goddess, maybe it was just a dream, or maybe it was myself telling myself everything would be alright. Whatever it was it gave me hope. My tarot cards gave me hope. I just don't know how it'll turn out or if it'll be what I truly want in the end.
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