Endings and New Beginnings

I'm starting to get frustrated in certain areas of my life. Nothing seems to be going right for me and at times I find myself wishing time would just stop for a second so I could catch up. I feel like I'm just barely getting by in college and at work. I'm starting to feel the pressure of not having enough time in the day. Sometimes I wish I didn't get so tired early into the night because then I could be using that time to get crap done.

I'm trying to perfect for too many people I believe. I'm trying to be the perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, and the perfect Witch. There are at least two of those "perfects" that I'm thinking about cutting such as the "friend" and "girlfriend".

I tried to be the perfect best friend but it's clearly not working out. My friend got mad at me about a week ago because she had invited me to Pagan Pride in Savannah and to spend the night with her at her college. Then my sixth sense kicked in telling me something was wrong and when I asked about Pagan Pride and visiting her she told me I was no longer invited because a friend at her college didn't want me there.

You are either my friend all the time or never. I don't need a friend that is only my friend some of the time. I ended up being the only one apologizing for something I clearly didn't do or even need to apologize for. That's when she said we needed space and wrote horrible things in her blog about me being selfish and egotistical. Well, I see what she thinks of me now.

I apologized for her for that stuff too by the way.

It's been a week now after the "I need space" text and I'm guessing I should just go ahead and sever the ties then she can have all the space in the world. I'm already making some pretty interesting new friends and am going to Pagan Pride in Atlanta with them.

As for the perfect girlfriend area I have no idea what's going on with that. I just want someone who accepts me for who I am and doesn't patronize me for my religion. It's so hard letting someone that you've been with for almost 2 years go. Technically we're not even together and we were starting over but I've come to realize that I don't want to start over with him. It's not going to work out. Sadly, I knew this from the very beginning but I thought maybe it would turn out differently.

I should really start trusting my intuition more often because it's always right.