Happy Halloween to everyone!
I've been working pretty much all day but I got to spend a little time with my new boyfriend and it was wonderful. He took me out to eat at one of my favorite Japanese restaurants. I finally get to eat meat again which is exciting! I just hope it won't mess up my stomach and digestive tract since I've been without meat for so long.
He's coming back to see me on Tuesday next week so I'm looking forward to that. We're going to try and make plans and go somewhere special together. Anywhere I want he said. Can't wait for that. I really want to go to New Orleans in Louisiana or maybe just to Savannah here in Georgia. I think I'll see how the French Quarters are in New Orleans since I'll probably never go there and I can go to Savannah whenever.
I've always been fascinated with that place. I hear it's not really special but I want to see it for myself and be the judge of that. I also wouldn't mind going to New York or Colorado. I've always wanted to visit Colorado. It would be nice to go somewhere with lots of snow. I've only seen snow maybe 5 times in my entire life.
I've always wanted to visit Colorado since I was a little girl. I pictured it as being majestic and beautiful with all the nature and wildlife around. I wonder if it'll be as beautiful as I picture it.
On another note...
It's so fun working at an elementary school on and close to the holidays because all the classes are having parties going on. Guess who gets all the left over cupcakes? This chick right here! I had some kids come by and offer me a cupcake and it was delicious.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
The Green Lady
Last night was very fun and exciting. I performed a Samhain/Full Moon ritual with my partner in the Old Spirit Path Study Group. We celebrated in the moonlight and invited our ancestors, the Old Ones, and the God and Goddess to celebrate with us within our Circle.
While I was out there in the woods with my friend I sensed a presence. I sensed a very old feminine spirit in the woods with us and I felt at peace. We asked permission to enter the woods and perform our rites and then thanked the spirits when we left.
There's a legend at my college of a woman spirit known as the Green Lady who appears out near Viking Trail going up to Mountain Campus. It's said that you see her through the trees while driving up Stretch Road and that if you get out of your car, turn it off, walk around in three times saying "Green Lady", then get back in and turn your car on that you'll see her in you rear view mirror.
I don't necessarily believe that part of the legend but I do believe that there is definitely a feminine presence in the woods. I saw many things out there which I believe to be Elementals. I saw men and women dashing through the trees out of the corner of my eye curious at what we were doing. At one point I was sure that I saw a man and woman kissing each other and then they disappeared.
I heard strange sounds too such as talking that seemed to whisper through the trees on the frigid air. We were so far away from any inhabited place that I don't see how human like voices could've been heard out there. It was exhilarating and slightly terrifying at the same time. We were out in the middle of the woods at night after all. Even though the moon was bright it was slightly eerie.
After the ritual, I came back to my dorm and went straight to sleep. I had a dream of the ritual that we did but in the dream a woman in a long pale green dress was watching us from outside our Circle and slightly smiling. She seemed curious about us and admired us at the same time. I could almost read what she was thinking in my dream. I felt that she admired our determination with our ritual even though it was freezing outside. She thought we were beautiful.
I find it neat that I had that dream on the same night. It's like a confirmation of the presence that I, we, felt and that the path we are treading is taking us in the right direction.
While I was out there in the woods with my friend I sensed a presence. I sensed a very old feminine spirit in the woods with us and I felt at peace. We asked permission to enter the woods and perform our rites and then thanked the spirits when we left.
There's a legend at my college of a woman spirit known as the Green Lady who appears out near Viking Trail going up to Mountain Campus. It's said that you see her through the trees while driving up Stretch Road and that if you get out of your car, turn it off, walk around in three times saying "Green Lady", then get back in and turn your car on that you'll see her in you rear view mirror.
I don't necessarily believe that part of the legend but I do believe that there is definitely a feminine presence in the woods. I saw many things out there which I believe to be Elementals. I saw men and women dashing through the trees out of the corner of my eye curious at what we were doing. At one point I was sure that I saw a man and woman kissing each other and then they disappeared.
I heard strange sounds too such as talking that seemed to whisper through the trees on the frigid air. We were so far away from any inhabited place that I don't see how human like voices could've been heard out there. It was exhilarating and slightly terrifying at the same time. We were out in the middle of the woods at night after all. Even though the moon was bright it was slightly eerie.
After the ritual, I came back to my dorm and went straight to sleep. I had a dream of the ritual that we did but in the dream a woman in a long pale green dress was watching us from outside our Circle and slightly smiling. She seemed curious about us and admired us at the same time. I could almost read what she was thinking in my dream. I felt that she admired our determination with our ritual even though it was freezing outside. She thought we were beautiful.
I find it neat that I had that dream on the same night. It's like a confirmation of the presence that I, we, felt and that the path we are treading is taking us in the right direction.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Steps To Breaking Up
I feel like I'm pacing myself through this break up step process. I haven't even really cried just because I don't feel like I should waste my tears on someone who doesn't care about me. So these are the steps that I've passed and are trying to get through right now.
Stop the communication: this is probably going to be the hardest. Although I have barely texted or called him it's hard for me to stick to this at least for right now. He never even officially broke up with me. Just stopped talking which is just like a dick to do. This might take me another week to do...
Delete all texts and phone calls from my phone: This one was pretty easy.
Delete all saved texts and pictures from my phone: This one not so much. Although I had no problem deleting pictures which was only one, I did have a problem with the saved text. It was so sweet and special to me at the time. I deleted it today though. I have to move on.
Block him on social sites: I've already blocked him on one of them which is known as meetme.com. The only reason he created a new account was to watch and see what I was doing on mine. He used to flirt and talk to other girls on his. I knew what he was up to. I'm pretty sure he cheated on me. I haven't blocked him on facebook yet and I'm surprised that he hasn't blocked me on there. Weird.
Delete his phone number: It's going to happen. One way or another his phone number will be deleted from my phone. After this week it'll probably happen.
Tell him exactly what I think of him: At the end of this week I'm going to write him an official notice of break up since he's not man enough to tell me outright himself. I'm going to tell him exactly what I think of him and he can hate me even more if it so pleases him. He doesn't even have to read it. It's for myself more than him.
These are my steps and they're working so far. I'm getting over him and moving on and looking forward to my fun filled night with my new lover.
Stop the communication: this is probably going to be the hardest. Although I have barely texted or called him it's hard for me to stick to this at least for right now. He never even officially broke up with me. Just stopped talking which is just like a dick to do. This might take me another week to do...
Delete all texts and phone calls from my phone: This one was pretty easy.
Delete all saved texts and pictures from my phone: This one not so much. Although I had no problem deleting pictures which was only one, I did have a problem with the saved text. It was so sweet and special to me at the time. I deleted it today though. I have to move on.
Block him on social sites: I've already blocked him on one of them which is known as meetme.com. The only reason he created a new account was to watch and see what I was doing on mine. He used to flirt and talk to other girls on his. I knew what he was up to. I'm pretty sure he cheated on me. I haven't blocked him on facebook yet and I'm surprised that he hasn't blocked me on there. Weird.
Delete his phone number: It's going to happen. One way or another his phone number will be deleted from my phone. After this week it'll probably happen.
Tell him exactly what I think of him: At the end of this week I'm going to write him an official notice of break up since he's not man enough to tell me outright himself. I'm going to tell him exactly what I think of him and he can hate me even more if it so pleases him. He doesn't even have to read it. It's for myself more than him.
These are my steps and they're working so far. I'm getting over him and moving on and looking forward to my fun filled night with my new lover.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
New Love
I've never been so happy! I prayed to the Goddess to show me the way for a very long time and now it's finally happening. I've found the path that I'm supposed to be walking and I'm going to try my hardest to stick to it.
I'm so happy with my new lover. I knew this was where I was supposed to be going in my life. In the past I just felt so held back and held down. I wasn't free. I was being suppressed by the person who was supposed to love me. He couldn't accept who I was and who I am. I knew that that wasn't the kind of relationship that I wanted to have but I just didn't know how to get away.
I was stuck in a rut. We had been together for over a year and a half and I was just comfortable with being with him. He was safe territory that I had grown used to. I knew that our relationship was based on me giving in to everything that I wanted to do and be. I knew I was the one who wasn't getting any respect. I should have chopped off that dead limb when I had the chance. I was just too afraid to take the risk.
Why was I so afraid though?
I'm not even sure of that answer. I guess I was afraid of being alone. It's true that I hate being alone. I hate feeling like a failure. I didn't want that relationship to fail even though I knew it was ending. We were just too different. I needed acceptance and support, not rejection and judgement.
I feel like I wasted a year and a half of my life by trying to make someone else happy and not myself but I'm going to try and turn this into a learning experience. I'm slowly getting over this past relationship and I think by Halloween I will be mostly over it.
Halloween, also known as Samhain, is the Celtic New Year and this is what I'm going to pray for. I'm going to pray to keep myself on the path that the God and Goddess and the Old Ones have chosen for me and I'm going to pray to have the strength to let go of the past and move on and accept this new love that is blossoming for me.
I'm so happy with my new lover. I knew this was where I was supposed to be going in my life. In the past I just felt so held back and held down. I wasn't free. I was being suppressed by the person who was supposed to love me. He couldn't accept who I was and who I am. I knew that that wasn't the kind of relationship that I wanted to have but I just didn't know how to get away.
I was stuck in a rut. We had been together for over a year and a half and I was just comfortable with being with him. He was safe territory that I had grown used to. I knew that our relationship was based on me giving in to everything that I wanted to do and be. I knew I was the one who wasn't getting any respect. I should have chopped off that dead limb when I had the chance. I was just too afraid to take the risk.
Why was I so afraid though?
I'm not even sure of that answer. I guess I was afraid of being alone. It's true that I hate being alone. I hate feeling like a failure. I didn't want that relationship to fail even though I knew it was ending. We were just too different. I needed acceptance and support, not rejection and judgement.
I feel like I wasted a year and a half of my life by trying to make someone else happy and not myself but I'm going to try and turn this into a learning experience. I'm slowly getting over this past relationship and I think by Halloween I will be mostly over it.
Halloween, also known as Samhain, is the Celtic New Year and this is what I'm going to pray for. I'm going to pray to keep myself on the path that the God and Goddess and the Old Ones have chosen for me and I'm going to pray to have the strength to let go of the past and move on and accept this new love that is blossoming for me.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Taking A Risk
Yesterday was very stressful for me. I'm sure that my boyfriend and I are broken up now. He told me never to call him or contact him again so I'm moving on and I'm with someone else now. Someone that I've always had in the back of my mind. Someone who's always been there for me and who has always made me feel special.
The only drawback is that he's much older than me. He's about 8 years older than me. Although I am 20 years old and completely of age to choose whomever I wish I am so afraid that I may be a little naive. He's had much more experience than me but I feel like he views me as an equal.
He's kind, sweet, loving, understanding, and supportive of everything I strive to do. That's all I've ever wanted and it appears that he has it all. We've known each other for almost 2 years and even dated for a while before I met my ex boyfriend. I just didn't know if we would work out considering that he lives 2 hours away.
Now I feel like I should give it a shot. He's definitely my kind of guy and cute. I needed to move on from this emotionally abusive relationship and move into something that was caring and loving. I needed someone who could deal with me being a Witch and how I view the world.
I'm a very independent and strong willed woman. I will not bow down to anyone for anything. I am not a slave to a man. I am my own person. I deserve respect just as the next person does. If you don't show me respect then I won't show you any. It's just how it is.
I guess it's time to take the risk. This is it.
The only drawback is that he's much older than me. He's about 8 years older than me. Although I am 20 years old and completely of age to choose whomever I wish I am so afraid that I may be a little naive. He's had much more experience than me but I feel like he views me as an equal.
He's kind, sweet, loving, understanding, and supportive of everything I strive to do. That's all I've ever wanted and it appears that he has it all. We've known each other for almost 2 years and even dated for a while before I met my ex boyfriend. I just didn't know if we would work out considering that he lives 2 hours away.
Now I feel like I should give it a shot. He's definitely my kind of guy and cute. I needed to move on from this emotionally abusive relationship and move into something that was caring and loving. I needed someone who could deal with me being a Witch and how I view the world.
I'm a very independent and strong willed woman. I will not bow down to anyone for anything. I am not a slave to a man. I am my own person. I deserve respect just as the next person does. If you don't show me respect then I won't show you any. It's just how it is.
I guess it's time to take the risk. This is it.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Selfish Bastard
I hate fake people. I hate those people who act like they love you and then turn around and forget all about you as soon as someone else comes along. That's what happening right now. I'm being forgotten and ignored. I hate this feeling and it happens all the time with the guy who's supposed to love me.
He's rude to me, he's mean to me, he makes me feel like I'm worthless and pathetic. Does that sound like a man who's supposed to love you? I don't think so.
I've been sick for the past two weeks and finally had to go to the doctor because I got so sick that I just couldn't take it anymore. I tried to tell him that I was in the hospital and he ignored me, didn't even ask if I was okay. What kind of man is that? I'll tell you what kind of "man" that is. An uncaring, unloving, pathetic, selfish bastard. That's what that is.
I called him and he ignored me. He was just like "I'm too busy for you." That's no excuse! He takes off work to go see people he barely knows in the hospital but can't talk to me on the damn phone for five minutes or ask how I am?
I really know how to pick them!!
He's rude to me, he's mean to me, he makes me feel like I'm worthless and pathetic. Does that sound like a man who's supposed to love you? I don't think so.
I've been sick for the past two weeks and finally had to go to the doctor because I got so sick that I just couldn't take it anymore. I tried to tell him that I was in the hospital and he ignored me, didn't even ask if I was okay. What kind of man is that? I'll tell you what kind of "man" that is. An uncaring, unloving, pathetic, selfish bastard. That's what that is.
I called him and he ignored me. He was just like "I'm too busy for you." That's no excuse! He takes off work to go see people he barely knows in the hospital but can't talk to me on the damn phone for five minutes or ask how I am?
I really know how to pick them!!
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Symbols In Religion
There's something I think everyone should know before they decide to get a tattoo and that would be to find out what the symbol you're about to permanently ink into your skin actually means. I see it all the time now. I'm okay with religions borrowing our originally Pagan symbols to use to represent their single God and His divinity. I mean, they've been using the cross for several thousand years now so I'm not about to ask them to change it.
For all of you who don't know about the Celtic cross, it was around much longer before Christianity and stood for eternal life. The four points stood for the four paths to spiritual enlightenment. This variation came from a symbol even older called the Ankh which was used by the Egyptians which is a cross with a little circle at the top which was referred to as "the key of life".
Of course I'm sure the Christians use the cross to symbolize Jesus's crucifixion and how he sacrificed himself for his beliefs and as Christians believe for the sins of all mankind. That's a legitimate reason for them to use the cross as their symbol.
However.
Nowadays, I'm seeing more and more churches and people using the triquetra as a symbol to represent Christianity. No, no, no, no, no. This is an originally Pagan symbol dating back to Germanic Paganism. It was unclear for what it stood for back then but most believe it was for life, death, and rebirth. In Neo-Paganism it represents the three aspects of the Goddess: maiden, mother, and crone; it even has been said to represent the three aspects of the God: the Horned God, the God King, and the Sacrificing God.
This is my symbol. This is my religion. This is who I am. Please don't take this symbol away from us. I don't care about how much you want it to mean the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I thought that was what you had the cross for! I mean, isn't that the symbol priests make when they say "in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost" during Sunday Mass?
My triquetra has been turned into your trinity. So don't get mad at me when I correct you on the origin of the symbol. Don't get mad at me when I tell you it was originally a Pagan symbol because ya'll have chosen to incorporate it into your religion.
And please, don't get it tattooed on yourself and not expect someone to say something about it. Especially if it's someone like me who loves the Wiccan Way.
For all of you who don't know about the Celtic cross, it was around much longer before Christianity and stood for eternal life. The four points stood for the four paths to spiritual enlightenment. This variation came from a symbol even older called the Ankh which was used by the Egyptians which is a cross with a little circle at the top which was referred to as "the key of life".
Of course I'm sure the Christians use the cross to symbolize Jesus's crucifixion and how he sacrificed himself for his beliefs and as Christians believe for the sins of all mankind. That's a legitimate reason for them to use the cross as their symbol.
However.
Nowadays, I'm seeing more and more churches and people using the triquetra as a symbol to represent Christianity. No, no, no, no, no. This is an originally Pagan symbol dating back to Germanic Paganism. It was unclear for what it stood for back then but most believe it was for life, death, and rebirth. In Neo-Paganism it represents the three aspects of the Goddess: maiden, mother, and crone; it even has been said to represent the three aspects of the God: the Horned God, the God King, and the Sacrificing God.
This is my symbol. This is my religion. This is who I am. Please don't take this symbol away from us. I don't care about how much you want it to mean the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I thought that was what you had the cross for! I mean, isn't that the symbol priests make when they say "in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost" during Sunday Mass?
My triquetra has been turned into your trinity. So don't get mad at me when I correct you on the origin of the symbol. Don't get mad at me when I tell you it was originally a Pagan symbol because ya'll have chosen to incorporate it into your religion.
And please, don't get it tattooed on yourself and not expect someone to say something about it. Especially if it's someone like me who loves the Wiccan Way.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Books and Dreams
I did something hilariously stupid today. I was completely exhausted when I got back to my dorm and ended up walking down the wrong hallway to a door that was positioned where the door to my room would be and walked into someone's on-campus apartment. I immediately walked back out when I realized it wasn't my apartment and my roommates weren't there. Luckily no one was home but they completely left their door unlocked and I was too embarrassed to stick around and close it back. Oops.
Right after that I went to meet with my Teacher and sit down and have dinner and talk about the upcoming events with Samhain and the Full Moon. He's going to draw me up a basic Samhain ritual he wants my partner and I to perform and also a Full Moon ritual for us to do together. I'm extremely excited about all this.
He also gave us a book to read. It's titled Drawing Down the Moon by Margot Adler which is a very prominent magickal book. I'm pretty sure most pagans have heard of it and have even read it. This is the newest revised edition of it. I'll have to start reading that soon. I'm not sure how long it's going to take me since I have a lot of other stuff to do. I'll just have to make time over the weekends when I'm not studying.
I'm so ready to just get some sleep tonight. I feel like I haven't slept in a very long time. I've been getting up very early and getting to bed very late. However, I do sleep like a rock when I finally do get to sleep. I have dreams every night. Since I've been getting a deeper sleep I've been having more complex dreams. I normally remember all my dreams when I first wake up but I don't remember my dream from last night now. I remembered it when I woke up but not now.
Well, I'm off to the library to teach my group how to do physics.
Right after that I went to meet with my Teacher and sit down and have dinner and talk about the upcoming events with Samhain and the Full Moon. He's going to draw me up a basic Samhain ritual he wants my partner and I to perform and also a Full Moon ritual for us to do together. I'm extremely excited about all this.
He also gave us a book to read. It's titled Drawing Down the Moon by Margot Adler which is a very prominent magickal book. I'm pretty sure most pagans have heard of it and have even read it. This is the newest revised edition of it. I'll have to start reading that soon. I'm not sure how long it's going to take me since I have a lot of other stuff to do. I'll just have to make time over the weekends when I'm not studying.
I'm so ready to just get some sleep tonight. I feel like I haven't slept in a very long time. I've been getting up very early and getting to bed very late. However, I do sleep like a rock when I finally do get to sleep. I have dreams every night. Since I've been getting a deeper sleep I've been having more complex dreams. I normally remember all my dreams when I first wake up but I don't remember my dream from last night now. I remembered it when I woke up but not now.
Well, I'm off to the library to teach my group how to do physics.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Work Work Work
I never thought I would have a class that would frustrate me as much as physics! Two hours later after meeting up with my physics group for the second time, we have yet to finish our practice problem worksheet which happens to only contain ten problems. Maybe if I had a better teacher that would answer my questions straight out instead of maneuvering around my questions to give me some bullshit example that makes no sense at all then I would understand this class more.
I have been working non-stop on my school work especially since I found out that my course registration for spring happens next weekend. I have to set up my meetings with both my advisers since I'm a double major. I have zero time for these meetings. It looks like I'm actually going to have to take off work to go to them!
I'm at least keeping up with my studies which is a positive sign. I'm basically forcing myself to do homework and get things done long before they're due to get some stuff out of the way. It's paying off I feel like and I think it'll help me especially when I have those three tests on November 5th.
I have Animal Science Reproductive Anatomy and Physiology, Organic Chemistry, and Animal Science Cardio/Hepatic/Pulmonary/Renal Physiology all on November 5th. It also happens to be a Monday test. Oh joy.
Tomorrow I should be more relaxed. I'm meeting with my Wiccan Teacher to talk about the study group and the requirements of the students and what is expected of them. He'll be giving me some lessons to give them that they are required to learn and that I am required to teach. He's also giving me a ritual that I and my partner in the study group are supposed to perform whenever we are together.
I'm very excited about all this progress we're making. I can tell that my psychic abilities are increasing as well. I know when things are going to happen before they happen. This isn't just with myself but with other people. I'm also following my intuition more closely because it's been beneficial and happens to always be right.
I'm so excited for Samhain! I'll be doing a ritual for the Sabbat with my partner. I think it'll be good for us to do this because then we can become familiar with each other and our energies. Also, it's just more fun when you're not alone.
I have been working non-stop on my school work especially since I found out that my course registration for spring happens next weekend. I have to set up my meetings with both my advisers since I'm a double major. I have zero time for these meetings. It looks like I'm actually going to have to take off work to go to them!
I'm at least keeping up with my studies which is a positive sign. I'm basically forcing myself to do homework and get things done long before they're due to get some stuff out of the way. It's paying off I feel like and I think it'll help me especially when I have those three tests on November 5th.
I have Animal Science Reproductive Anatomy and Physiology, Organic Chemistry, and Animal Science Cardio/Hepatic/Pulmonary/Renal Physiology all on November 5th. It also happens to be a Monday test. Oh joy.
Tomorrow I should be more relaxed. I'm meeting with my Wiccan Teacher to talk about the study group and the requirements of the students and what is expected of them. He'll be giving me some lessons to give them that they are required to learn and that I am required to teach. He's also giving me a ritual that I and my partner in the study group are supposed to perform whenever we are together.
I'm very excited about all this progress we're making. I can tell that my psychic abilities are increasing as well. I know when things are going to happen before they happen. This isn't just with myself but with other people. I'm also following my intuition more closely because it's been beneficial and happens to always be right.
I'm so excited for Samhain! I'll be doing a ritual for the Sabbat with my partner. I think it'll be good for us to do this because then we can become familiar with each other and our energies. Also, it's just more fun when you're not alone.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Places To Meet
My trip to Alabama was uneventful. I didn't see much except for a road and some trees. However, I had a wonderful time with my friend in Cedartown. We went out to eat Mexican food and talked about things that I can't even remember now.
I went to meet up with the other Dynion Mwyn member who will be leading the study group with me. We're trying to decide on a place where everyone can meet up and talk and study the Wiccan tradition together. We had originally decided on somewhere in Carrollton but that's such a long drive from Rome especially since most of our students like in the Rome area.
Carrollton is closer for my partner but I'm trying to be a little considerate to our students and put it a little closer to Rome or at least at a half way point between us but it's proving to be hard. There aren't any places to meet in the small towns between us. Rome is the largest town out of all the towns between here and where my co-leader lives.
There's not really any place in Carrollton for us to meet at either. They don't have many coffee shops or even a bookstore such as Barnes & Noble's where we could meet and chat. I'm trying to get in contact with my partner right now and let her know we need to think of another solution. I would hate to make her drive all the way to Rome but it's looking like it's one of our only options.
I went to meet up with the other Dynion Mwyn member who will be leading the study group with me. We're trying to decide on a place where everyone can meet up and talk and study the Wiccan tradition together. We had originally decided on somewhere in Carrollton but that's such a long drive from Rome especially since most of our students like in the Rome area.
Carrollton is closer for my partner but I'm trying to be a little considerate to our students and put it a little closer to Rome or at least at a half way point between us but it's proving to be hard. There aren't any places to meet in the small towns between us. Rome is the largest town out of all the towns between here and where my co-leader lives.
There's not really any place in Carrollton for us to meet at either. They don't have many coffee shops or even a bookstore such as Barnes & Noble's where we could meet and chat. I'm trying to get in contact with my partner right now and let her know we need to think of another solution. I would hate to make her drive all the way to Rome but it's looking like it's one of our only options.
Friday, October 19, 2012
A Few Weekend Plans
It's getting closer and closer to Halloween and closer and closer to me being able to eat meat! For those of you who don't know, I give up meat during the month of October in order to purify and cleanse my body and as a way to feel closer to the Goddess and her Earth. That's the long-story-short version anyway. It's been kind of tough recently because I am craving one of my favorite foods which happens to be big philly cheesesteaks! Yum!
I've been having to satisfy my cravings with cheese, lettuce, tomato, corn, and onion quesadillas. Hopefully I'll still love quesadillas after this month since I've been eating quite a few of them.
I'm going to Alabama tomorrow with a friend. I'm helping her with her kittens by taking her and them to the vet. The kittens needed a check up because they were very sick and didn't weigh very much. I'm sure everything will be okay though. She's also one of our new students in the study group.
After that, I'm heading down to see my co-leader of the Old Spirit Path Study Group to hopefully set up our first meeting date, place, and time so all our students can gather and get to know each other and learn the Welsh Wiccan tradition. Anyone from the Northwest Georgia region are welcome to study with us in light and love. You can contact us at oldspiritpath@gmail.com.
We're also open to people who are searching for guidance, teaching, and training who aren't from Georgia and wish to have lessons online. So if you're interested you know how to contact us.
I've been having to satisfy my cravings with cheese, lettuce, tomato, corn, and onion quesadillas. Hopefully I'll still love quesadillas after this month since I've been eating quite a few of them.
I'm going to Alabama tomorrow with a friend. I'm helping her with her kittens by taking her and them to the vet. The kittens needed a check up because they were very sick and didn't weigh very much. I'm sure everything will be okay though. She's also one of our new students in the study group.
After that, I'm heading down to see my co-leader of the Old Spirit Path Study Group to hopefully set up our first meeting date, place, and time so all our students can gather and get to know each other and learn the Welsh Wiccan tradition. Anyone from the Northwest Georgia region are welcome to study with us in light and love. You can contact us at oldspiritpath@gmail.com.
We're also open to people who are searching for guidance, teaching, and training who aren't from Georgia and wish to have lessons online. So if you're interested you know how to contact us.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Grandparents
Today was so awesome. I did volunteer work today at the Breast Center and met this really nice old lady named Evelyn. She was the coolest woman ever! She cracked jokes, told me about herself and her accomplishments, told me about the dog she got from the humane society and everything. She graduated from my college with a major in music at 79 years old! What a woman!
She told me how people around my campus saw her as a grandmother figure. I wish I had a grandmother like her. Most of my grandparents died when I was very young and the one remaining grandparent I have is my mother's mother who never visited us, talked to us, or wanted anything to do with us.
She's not really a grandmother in my opinion. On Grandparent's Day at my elementary school I would sit at my desk while everyone else was playing or off doing cool things with their grandparent's like eating lunch together. I hated Grandparent's Day and I still do. My teacher's would ask me if I had anyone for Grandparent's Day because they'd feel sorry for me. I would just tell them my grandparent's were dead.
It's not like my grandmother was unable to see me. She has two houses and is a multi-millionaire. She owns her own mountain in Tennessee with a mansion and a closed off apartment attached to it. It used to be a farm with beef cows until they sold them all. She also owns her own private beach in Panama City, Florida and beach house. We lived right off I-75 which is the interstate you'd take through Georgia to get to those places. They never stopped by and they would pass through at least twice a year.
I live about an hour and a half from my grandmother's mansion in Tennessee now because of where my college is located. She's never come to see me or asked me to see her. She's never called me a day in her life or emailed.
Yeah, I'm a little bitter about it and probably always will be because I'll see others who have the fun, baking cookies, can tell anything to, grandmother that I'll never have.
About a month ago I had the most awesome dream though. I had a dream of my great grandma (my mother's grandma) and of my granny (my father's mother). I remember my great grandma because she acted like a grandma to me. She used to take her fake teeth out and it would make me laugh. I remember my granny as well because I was four when she died from lung cancer. I remember seeing her for Easter in her bed and spinning around in my Easter dress to show it to her and giving her a hug.
In my dream they looked the same but younger, more lively. My great grandma was wearing a powder blue pant suit with a white blouse. She had brilliant white hair and glasses. My granny was wearing khaki pants, a blouse and cardigan. I sat down with them both. My great grandma told me she was very disappointed in my mother for cheating on my father and abandoning us. She said that she was very proud of me and wanted me to know that I grew into a beautiful young woman.
She made me laugh though because she was like, "I'm not so sure about this whole "Witch business" but I know you have a path and need to follow it". I asked her if she had seen God because I knew she was Christian. She surprised me with her answer. She told me that she hadn't seen God and that it could be a man or a woman or both so any religion could be right.
My granny was so cool. She was a little firecracker talking about my mother. It made me laugh. I bet if she were still alive we would've been great friends. She also told me about how proud she was of me.
It was a very vivid dream and a wonderful dream. I woke up with tears because I realized how much I missed them and how much I've had missed out on.
She told me how people around my campus saw her as a grandmother figure. I wish I had a grandmother like her. Most of my grandparents died when I was very young and the one remaining grandparent I have is my mother's mother who never visited us, talked to us, or wanted anything to do with us.
She's not really a grandmother in my opinion. On Grandparent's Day at my elementary school I would sit at my desk while everyone else was playing or off doing cool things with their grandparent's like eating lunch together. I hated Grandparent's Day and I still do. My teacher's would ask me if I had anyone for Grandparent's Day because they'd feel sorry for me. I would just tell them my grandparent's were dead.
It's not like my grandmother was unable to see me. She has two houses and is a multi-millionaire. She owns her own mountain in Tennessee with a mansion and a closed off apartment attached to it. It used to be a farm with beef cows until they sold them all. She also owns her own private beach in Panama City, Florida and beach house. We lived right off I-75 which is the interstate you'd take through Georgia to get to those places. They never stopped by and they would pass through at least twice a year.
I live about an hour and a half from my grandmother's mansion in Tennessee now because of where my college is located. She's never come to see me or asked me to see her. She's never called me a day in her life or emailed.
Yeah, I'm a little bitter about it and probably always will be because I'll see others who have the fun, baking cookies, can tell anything to, grandmother that I'll never have.
About a month ago I had the most awesome dream though. I had a dream of my great grandma (my mother's grandma) and of my granny (my father's mother). I remember my great grandma because she acted like a grandma to me. She used to take her fake teeth out and it would make me laugh. I remember my granny as well because I was four when she died from lung cancer. I remember seeing her for Easter in her bed and spinning around in my Easter dress to show it to her and giving her a hug.
In my dream they looked the same but younger, more lively. My great grandma was wearing a powder blue pant suit with a white blouse. She had brilliant white hair and glasses. My granny was wearing khaki pants, a blouse and cardigan. I sat down with them both. My great grandma told me she was very disappointed in my mother for cheating on my father and abandoning us. She said that she was very proud of me and wanted me to know that I grew into a beautiful young woman.
She made me laugh though because she was like, "I'm not so sure about this whole "Witch business" but I know you have a path and need to follow it". I asked her if she had seen God because I knew she was Christian. She surprised me with her answer. She told me that she hadn't seen God and that it could be a man or a woman or both so any religion could be right.
My granny was so cool. She was a little firecracker talking about my mother. It made me laugh. I bet if she were still alive we would've been great friends. She also told me about how proud she was of me.
It was a very vivid dream and a wonderful dream. I woke up with tears because I realized how much I missed them and how much I've had missed out on.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Last Weekend Disappointments
Now I'm ready to update everyone on what happened last weekend. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend Pagan Pride. My friend who was going to attend it with me was called in for work that day and I didn't feel safe walking around Atlanta by myself. I told myself there will always be next year. I'm sure it was fun though and I'm sure there were a lot of neat things being sold by the vendors such as tarot cards, rune stones, books, oils, herbs, robes, etc.
Of course I can buy those things whenever I want. I was running kind of low on cash anyway.
I did, however, get to spend more time with my friend down at her college. That was a plus. I think I did some blogging while I was down there and mentioned some of the things that we did so I don't need to go into detail.
I, also, did not get to go to Atlanta Pride which again I told myself there would always be next year. I was sick on that day anyway so it was probably for the best. I think the sudden change in temperature made me sick. Up here in North Georgia it's getting cold, but down there with my friend it was warm. It must have affected my sinuses.
Today is Love Your Body Day and I have to attend a pen making social and pizza party hosted by EMPOWER, our feminist activist group. I'm excited but then again I was really hoping to go to a meetup with the Dynion Mwyn group. I guess I'll have to wait till next month unfortunately. I'm not even sure that I'll be up here at college at that time since I think it's during Thanksgiving week.
I guess I'll have to wait even longer but all is not lost! The Old Spirit Path Study Group that I and my partner are organizing should be starting our meetups very soon for those who wish to learn the ways of Dynion Mwyn and the Welsh Wiccan tradition and lifestyle.
If anyone is interested in this you can contact us at oldspiritpath@gmail.com. Please be respectful and no spamming!
Of course I can buy those things whenever I want. I was running kind of low on cash anyway.
I did, however, get to spend more time with my friend down at her college. That was a plus. I think I did some blogging while I was down there and mentioned some of the things that we did so I don't need to go into detail.
I, also, did not get to go to Atlanta Pride which again I told myself there would always be next year. I was sick on that day anyway so it was probably for the best. I think the sudden change in temperature made me sick. Up here in North Georgia it's getting cold, but down there with my friend it was warm. It must have affected my sinuses.
Today is Love Your Body Day and I have to attend a pen making social and pizza party hosted by EMPOWER, our feminist activist group. I'm excited but then again I was really hoping to go to a meetup with the Dynion Mwyn group. I guess I'll have to wait till next month unfortunately. I'm not even sure that I'll be up here at college at that time since I think it's during Thanksgiving week.
I guess I'll have to wait even longer but all is not lost! The Old Spirit Path Study Group that I and my partner are organizing should be starting our meetups very soon for those who wish to learn the ways of Dynion Mwyn and the Welsh Wiccan tradition and lifestyle.
If anyone is interested in this you can contact us at oldspiritpath@gmail.com. Please be respectful and no spamming!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Small Update
After being sick for about two days, I'm ready to come back and rant and rave about what's been going on in my life. Although I feel like my posts are a little disappointing to some readers considering that my life is not filled with all the drama that most people around me seem to attract. Not saying that I have the perfect life because I'm far from that, but I do have a satisfying life.
That's more than what most people would say. I guess it's because I don't see any reason to hate life. I feel like it's just a waste of energy in the long run. You could take all that negative energy and turn it into something positive instead which would probably result in better luck.
I'm really tired of all these grudges that people seem to hold. It's really not worth it. How can you say that you've moved on when it still haunts you? I don't think people truly move on until everything is resolved so if the issue is never worked out then it will just eat you alive.
That's not something to look forward to.
Anyway, I have two tests coming up which I really need to focus on but I feel like I'm studying all the wrong material. It's very discouraging. While attempting to do an online study guide for the class, I felt like I knew nothing. It's such a terrible feeling! I really need to do good on these!
After these tests I can relax and start focusing more on other things that are important.
That's more than what most people would say. I guess it's because I don't see any reason to hate life. I feel like it's just a waste of energy in the long run. You could take all that negative energy and turn it into something positive instead which would probably result in better luck.
I'm really tired of all these grudges that people seem to hold. It's really not worth it. How can you say that you've moved on when it still haunts you? I don't think people truly move on until everything is resolved so if the issue is never worked out then it will just eat you alive.
That's not something to look forward to.
Anyway, I have two tests coming up which I really need to focus on but I feel like I'm studying all the wrong material. It's very discouraging. While attempting to do an online study guide for the class, I felt like I knew nothing. It's such a terrible feeling! I really need to do good on these!
After these tests I can relax and start focusing more on other things that are important.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Seeing Old Friends
Right now I'm in my friend's dorm at Georgia College and State University. I've been down here since about noon today. She's been showing me all her campus and my feet are a little sore from walking everywhere. I think it's because of my shoes because they're getting old and a little thin at the soles. I got to meet a few of her friends. Well more like just one.
Her friend was an old roommate of hers that had moved in with her boyfriend in a different apartment building. The boyfriend was a little weird and kept trying to interrupt me when I was talking to his girlfriend. That shit gets annoying real fast. Especially when all he interrupted me to talk about was his stupid parrot he had. It wasn't anything spectacular. It was a plain old bird. It didn't even talk. It just sat on a perch and pooped.
I didn't get to go to Pagan Pride unfortunately. My friend who was supposed to go with me got caught up at work. I don't feel like I missed out on anything though because I'm sure there were just a lot of vendors there that sold the same stuff that I could buy online. However, I will try my hardest to go next year!
I'm glad I got down here to see my friend earlier. That way we could spend more time together. I'm not planning on leaving until 6 or 7 tomorrow night. I do have work I have to do on Monday and Tuesday even though it's my fall break at my college. It's probably a good thing though because then I can get more hours and then I'll be forced to study for my tests at work because it gets rather boring when there are no classes to teach.
I'm planning on seeing the new movie Sinister with my sort of boyfriend. I say sort of because he certainly doesn't act like a boyfriend and we're kind of separated at the moment. He called me today just to fight with me while I was trying to find out where my friend lived and ended up missing the road. I had to pull over in a parking lot just to talk because I was getting so frustrated.
Basically we ended up having an argument last night. Well, not really. I was trying to tell him my feelings about feeling lonely and wishing that he'd come see me more often. He told me to shut up because I was pissing him off so I didn't text him back and went to sleep. Then he texted me in the morning saying morning and I never texted him back. I didn't feel like talking to him plus I was on my way to see Marsha, my friend.
Then he called me to ask why I didn't text him back and I just said it was because he told me to shut up. Then he wanted to argue with me to the point where I just said "Look, why are you calling me?" and he was like, "Because I miss you."
Psssh!
Guys are so stupid sometimes. Period.
Her friend was an old roommate of hers that had moved in with her boyfriend in a different apartment building. The boyfriend was a little weird and kept trying to interrupt me when I was talking to his girlfriend. That shit gets annoying real fast. Especially when all he interrupted me to talk about was his stupid parrot he had. It wasn't anything spectacular. It was a plain old bird. It didn't even talk. It just sat on a perch and pooped.
I didn't get to go to Pagan Pride unfortunately. My friend who was supposed to go with me got caught up at work. I don't feel like I missed out on anything though because I'm sure there were just a lot of vendors there that sold the same stuff that I could buy online. However, I will try my hardest to go next year!
I'm glad I got down here to see my friend earlier. That way we could spend more time together. I'm not planning on leaving until 6 or 7 tomorrow night. I do have work I have to do on Monday and Tuesday even though it's my fall break at my college. It's probably a good thing though because then I can get more hours and then I'll be forced to study for my tests at work because it gets rather boring when there are no classes to teach.
I'm planning on seeing the new movie Sinister with my sort of boyfriend. I say sort of because he certainly doesn't act like a boyfriend and we're kind of separated at the moment. He called me today just to fight with me while I was trying to find out where my friend lived and ended up missing the road. I had to pull over in a parking lot just to talk because I was getting so frustrated.
Basically we ended up having an argument last night. Well, not really. I was trying to tell him my feelings about feeling lonely and wishing that he'd come see me more often. He told me to shut up because I was pissing him off so I didn't text him back and went to sleep. Then he texted me in the morning saying morning and I never texted him back. I didn't feel like talking to him plus I was on my way to see Marsha, my friend.
Then he called me to ask why I didn't text him back and I just said it was because he told me to shut up. Then he wanted to argue with me to the point where I just said "Look, why are you calling me?" and he was like, "Because I miss you."
Psssh!
Guys are so stupid sometimes. Period.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Being A Mentor
It's Fall Break! And yet, there will be no break for me unfortunately. I have two tests next week along with creating new physics notes and keeping up with my reading for the study group. I have this huge teacher manual to read which I've started on. It's actually quite interesting and motivating and I hope I can be of some real help when teaching my students the Wiccan tradition.
I'm hoping to get with my partner soon and make up some study plans and outline some lessons. I like to be organized and go about this the right way. I don't want our students to feel that we are unorganized because that brings about a feeling of stress which can lead to bad energy in the group. That's not how I want new students and seekers to feel when deciding to study with us.
I recently bought hematite stones for all the potential students coming to study with us. I gave two students their stones today and will be giving the others theirs soon. Possibly during the first meeting if I do not see them sooner. I felt that the students didn't need to be bombarded with negative energy while they were trying to study the Craft. Hematite stones repel negative energy.
I also got some green Jade stones. Jade is connected with the heart chakra in the body. However, green Jade is also connected with the Third Eye. It's said to help with peaceful dreaming by eliminating bad ones. I gave one of them to one of my students as well to help with his nightmares.
I feel like I'm actually doing some good in this world, like I'm actually making a difference in peoples' lives. That's what I love about being a mentor. I try to bring in calm, peaceful energy with me while I'm meeting with students and get to know them on a personal level. I feel it's all part of being a good leader and maybe one day a good High Priestess.
This is a big step for me and I'm ready to take the risk. As I've said before I don't know every single thing about the Craft but that should be expected. I want to guide these seekers on a path that is right for them and help them along the way. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I'm taking the risk.
There's no turning back now.
On another note, I'm going to Pagan Pride tomorrow. I'm really excited. I'm dragging my friend along with me. Then I'm going down to visit my old High School friend and spend the night so I probably won't get to blog tomorrow or Sunday but I'll try!
Don't miss me too much!
I'm hoping to get with my partner soon and make up some study plans and outline some lessons. I like to be organized and go about this the right way. I don't want our students to feel that we are unorganized because that brings about a feeling of stress which can lead to bad energy in the group. That's not how I want new students and seekers to feel when deciding to study with us.
I recently bought hematite stones for all the potential students coming to study with us. I gave two students their stones today and will be giving the others theirs soon. Possibly during the first meeting if I do not see them sooner. I felt that the students didn't need to be bombarded with negative energy while they were trying to study the Craft. Hematite stones repel negative energy.
I also got some green Jade stones. Jade is connected with the heart chakra in the body. However, green Jade is also connected with the Third Eye. It's said to help with peaceful dreaming by eliminating bad ones. I gave one of them to one of my students as well to help with his nightmares.
I feel like I'm actually doing some good in this world, like I'm actually making a difference in peoples' lives. That's what I love about being a mentor. I try to bring in calm, peaceful energy with me while I'm meeting with students and get to know them on a personal level. I feel it's all part of being a good leader and maybe one day a good High Priestess.
This is a big step for me and I'm ready to take the risk. As I've said before I don't know every single thing about the Craft but that should be expected. I want to guide these seekers on a path that is right for them and help them along the way. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I'm taking the risk.
There's no turning back now.
On another note, I'm going to Pagan Pride tomorrow. I'm really excited. I'm dragging my friend along with me. Then I'm going down to visit my old High School friend and spend the night so I probably won't get to blog tomorrow or Sunday but I'll try!
Don't miss me too much!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Chosen Path
I'm having a hard time focusing on my studies when all I really want to do is work on the Wiccan study group. It's taking up most of my brain power today. I haven't even looked at my notes for Reproductive Physiology and I have a quiz in there tomorrow. I've been working on studying for my test and doing stuff with the study group.
My partner and I have decided to call our study group the Old Spirit Path. We believe it suits what people are going to be looking for and expecting from a Wiccan tradition such as ours in Dynion Mwyn. I'm just so excited to spread the word and the truth about Wiccan traditions.
Most people view Wicca as an extreme. Either it's all rainbows and butterflies and full of fluffy bunnies, or it's dark, depressing, and evil. Of course, true Wicca isn't like that at all. It's a peaceful earth based religion that has a balance of light and dark elements to it. There is life, death, and rebirth. There is restoration, reconstruction, and destruction. It's not as black and white as what people may think it is.
We want to show people those gray areas that they've been missing out on. I probably shouldn't say "gray" because it's these areas that lead people down a vibrant path into the mysterious, the unknown, and the enlightened.
You just have to be that risk taker sometimes to get on a path that is right for you in life. I've found mine. How about you?
My partner and I have decided to call our study group the Old Spirit Path. We believe it suits what people are going to be looking for and expecting from a Wiccan tradition such as ours in Dynion Mwyn. I'm just so excited to spread the word and the truth about Wiccan traditions.
Most people view Wicca as an extreme. Either it's all rainbows and butterflies and full of fluffy bunnies, or it's dark, depressing, and evil. Of course, true Wicca isn't like that at all. It's a peaceful earth based religion that has a balance of light and dark elements to it. There is life, death, and rebirth. There is restoration, reconstruction, and destruction. It's not as black and white as what people may think it is.
We want to show people those gray areas that they've been missing out on. I probably shouldn't say "gray" because it's these areas that lead people down a vibrant path into the mysterious, the unknown, and the enlightened.
You just have to be that risk taker sometimes to get on a path that is right for you in life. I've found mine. How about you?
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Love Your Body
There are some people in life you feel as though you can't live without. I get this feeling sometimes when I fall for someone. However, I've learned that I can live without people and move on. I moved on and found a whole new group of friends and people that I want to help and heal and be there for. Those people who may or may not be reading my blog know who they are.
I'm working really hard on school and putting together the Wiccan study group. I'm so worried that I won't be that great of a mentor to people. It's really hard to try and teach people your beliefs and traditions from your sect of Wicca when they all have some sort of knowledge on it already whether it's right or wrong. I'm not trying to change people's opinions or try and change their beliefs but I will be teaching them ours in Dynion Mwyn.
I hope that doesn't offend anyone.
I admit that I don't know everything about Wicca and I am still learning myself which I will continue to do so until I die. I do learn some interesting things from other people. It may not be necessarily what Dynion Mwyn believes but I still listen and enjoy learning what others have to offer. Of course, I have heard some pretty outrageous things, I have to say.
I wanted to go to a meetup group next Wednesday for DM just to see if a certain someone showed up but I'll guess I'll have to wait because I forgot that I have some stuff to do with Empower, the feminist activist organization on my campus. Next Wednesday (October 17) is national "Love Your Body" Day. So all you women and men out there need to go get in front of a mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful.
I'm sure more women will participate in this than men.
As treasurer of Empower, I have to be present at this mainly because I have to help the president with the spring allocation form so we can get our money. Not many people know about this day but I think it should receive more recognition because it's for a good cause.
There are so many young girls and women out there with self esteem issues and most of those issues have to do with their bodies. Through the media, we've created this ideal image of men and women and those of us who are considered normal don't meet this ideal image. This is just sad because I'm 5'9 and about 160 pounds which is considered normal and healthy. I do a lot of weight training and running so I have a lot of muscle mass.
Of course, this is considered overweight in the media and they would never feature a girl like me in an ad. Maybe one day it'll all change.
But for now, love your body.
I'm working really hard on school and putting together the Wiccan study group. I'm so worried that I won't be that great of a mentor to people. It's really hard to try and teach people your beliefs and traditions from your sect of Wicca when they all have some sort of knowledge on it already whether it's right or wrong. I'm not trying to change people's opinions or try and change their beliefs but I will be teaching them ours in Dynion Mwyn.
I hope that doesn't offend anyone.
I admit that I don't know everything about Wicca and I am still learning myself which I will continue to do so until I die. I do learn some interesting things from other people. It may not be necessarily what Dynion Mwyn believes but I still listen and enjoy learning what others have to offer. Of course, I have heard some pretty outrageous things, I have to say.
I wanted to go to a meetup group next Wednesday for DM just to see if a certain someone showed up but I'll guess I'll have to wait because I forgot that I have some stuff to do with Empower, the feminist activist organization on my campus. Next Wednesday (October 17) is national "Love Your Body" Day. So all you women and men out there need to go get in front of a mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful.
I'm sure more women will participate in this than men.
As treasurer of Empower, I have to be present at this mainly because I have to help the president with the spring allocation form so we can get our money. Not many people know about this day but I think it should receive more recognition because it's for a good cause.
There are so many young girls and women out there with self esteem issues and most of those issues have to do with their bodies. Through the media, we've created this ideal image of men and women and those of us who are considered normal don't meet this ideal image. This is just sad because I'm 5'9 and about 160 pounds which is considered normal and healthy. I do a lot of weight training and running so I have a lot of muscle mass.
Of course, this is considered overweight in the media and they would never feature a girl like me in an ad. Maybe one day it'll all change.
But for now, love your body.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Not Enough Time In A Day
I need to start remembering where I put my hematite stone so I don't lose it again. I end up losing it and then something bad happens. For those of you who don't know the properties of crystals and stones, hematite stones are used for repelling negative energy. It's said once they have absorbed and repelled enough negative energy they crack. That's when you need to get a new one.
However, mine hasn't cracked. I just misplace it sometimes and then it reappears again soon after. Of course, every time I lose it I become bombarded with negative energy. The last time I lost it was last Thursday right before everything happened with my brother. I found it again yesterday on accident. I wasn't looking for it but it found me again.
Now it seems that everything is going back to normal.
Of course, my physics class is still killing me. I just wish my teacher would go ahead and grade my test already and post it so I can go ahead and drop the class. It's been two weeks since we took the test and he said he would post the grades yesterday. I've been constantly checking and they're still not up yet which makes me wonder if he's trying to keep them away from us because there are more people who want to withdraw.
He's really nice, but it's his first year teaching and I've never had any prior experience with physics. I learn by examples and step by step instructions with problems but he doesn't teach that way. We'll be on step one and then he skips to step ten. That's just not how I learn at all.
Hopefully, I'll be able to attend power yoga tomorrow as long as I get done with everything that I wanted to finish today. That includes my critical thinking assignment, rewriting the rest of my power point notes in my Cardio/hepatic/pulmonary/renal Physiology class, and reading some of the book and taking notes for my Reproductive Physiology class. Then I won't feel so overwhelmed later on.
Just talking about it makes me feel like I'm procrastinating but I'm really not. My tests aren't till Friday and I'm giving myself plenty of time to study the material. My critical thinking assignment isn't due till Thursday and I'm going to try and get it done today if I can.
I'm also contacting more potential students for the new study group. I really need to meet up with the other Dynion Mwyn member about getting organized with this group and starting meetups for it. That would make it so much easier than me going to meet with them all on separate days and telling them different things at different times.
So much to do and so little time. I wonder how I find time to still blog.
Oh well, wish me luck this week!
However, mine hasn't cracked. I just misplace it sometimes and then it reappears again soon after. Of course, every time I lose it I become bombarded with negative energy. The last time I lost it was last Thursday right before everything happened with my brother. I found it again yesterday on accident. I wasn't looking for it but it found me again.
Now it seems that everything is going back to normal.
Of course, my physics class is still killing me. I just wish my teacher would go ahead and grade my test already and post it so I can go ahead and drop the class. It's been two weeks since we took the test and he said he would post the grades yesterday. I've been constantly checking and they're still not up yet which makes me wonder if he's trying to keep them away from us because there are more people who want to withdraw.
He's really nice, but it's his first year teaching and I've never had any prior experience with physics. I learn by examples and step by step instructions with problems but he doesn't teach that way. We'll be on step one and then he skips to step ten. That's just not how I learn at all.
Hopefully, I'll be able to attend power yoga tomorrow as long as I get done with everything that I wanted to finish today. That includes my critical thinking assignment, rewriting the rest of my power point notes in my Cardio/hepatic/pulmonary/renal Physiology class, and reading some of the book and taking notes for my Reproductive Physiology class. Then I won't feel so overwhelmed later on.
Just talking about it makes me feel like I'm procrastinating but I'm really not. My tests aren't till Friday and I'm giving myself plenty of time to study the material. My critical thinking assignment isn't due till Thursday and I'm going to try and get it done today if I can.
I'm also contacting more potential students for the new study group. I really need to meet up with the other Dynion Mwyn member about getting organized with this group and starting meetups for it. That would make it so much easier than me going to meet with them all on separate days and telling them different things at different times.
So much to do and so little time. I wonder how I find time to still blog.
Oh well, wish me luck this week!
Monday, October 8, 2012
Weekend Plans
I had to take a break yesterday from writing. My energy was all over the place because my emotions were running so high over everything that's happened with my family. I had to ground my energy first before I decided to write any more about the situation at hand.
My brother and I had an awesome weekend together. We went to IHOP. We went caving and saw bats! We watched a movie together called Looper. We went to the new Mexican restaurant that opened up not too long ago. We went to the carnival and road rides and went to Steak n' Shake a couple of times.
Of course, in the back of my mind while we were doing all this, I kept wondering what would happen when he got home. Apparently everything turned out fine when he got home but I'm a little skeptical. I feel like it was fine because he made it seem fine but inside I feel like it really wasn't.
My fall break is coming up this weekend and I won't be returning home for it. I'm going to Pagan Pride with a friend and hopefully I'll get to meet with the other Dynion Mwyn member who I will be starting a Study Group with. I'll be spending the night off with my old High School buddy down at her college and I'm going to ask her if she wants to march with me in Atlanta Pride.
It's going to be a fun weekend as soon as I get past these two tests that I have on Friday.
It's a good thing I'm craving vegetables during my month of vegetarianism.
My brother and I had an awesome weekend together. We went to IHOP. We went caving and saw bats! We watched a movie together called Looper. We went to the new Mexican restaurant that opened up not too long ago. We went to the carnival and road rides and went to Steak n' Shake a couple of times.
Of course, in the back of my mind while we were doing all this, I kept wondering what would happen when he got home. Apparently everything turned out fine when he got home but I'm a little skeptical. I feel like it was fine because he made it seem fine but inside I feel like it really wasn't.
My fall break is coming up this weekend and I won't be returning home for it. I'm going to Pagan Pride with a friend and hopefully I'll get to meet with the other Dynion Mwyn member who I will be starting a Study Group with. I'll be spending the night off with my old High School buddy down at her college and I'm going to ask her if she wants to march with me in Atlanta Pride.
It's going to be a fun weekend as soon as I get past these two tests that I have on Friday.
It's a good thing I'm craving vegetables during my month of vegetarianism.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
The 5K and Life
I just got finished running the 5K and boy do I feel great! Now it's time to go to IHOP and get some good breakfast food, vegetarian of course. I'm making my brother get up because he's going with me.
I feel so awkward though. My dad is still obviously angry about everything and at his wits end when it comes to my brother and my stepmother. I had a long talk with my brother last night about everything that was going on and discovered that a lot of things that set my brother off have been because of our stepmother.
He really doesn't like her and I found out why last night. They're little things but they've all been adding up over the months and mushroomed. It kind of seems like she tries to get him in trouble with our dad. She told our father that my brother lied to her about being late to school when he never even told her the reason. She works at the school in an administrative position and my brother had to fill out a tardy sheet and just wrote down that he had car trouble instead of saying that he had picked up his girlfriend to go to school and was late getting back.
I suppose she read the slip and decided that he had lied to her. Then when my brother tried to get off work early to come up and see me she was all giddy like a school girl to have our dad yell at my brother over the phone. What the hell?
That shit would piss me off too.
She spoils her daughter and tells my brother to clean her house while her daughter sits in her room doing nothing but watch T.V. all day. I've see her daughter's room. Every time I go over there it's like a bomb went off. Just mountains of clothes everywhere and sometimes I see field mice in her room! It's so disgusting! I hate when I have to sleep in there because I feel like I'm going to wake up with a mouse sitting on my face!
And yet, my step mother is giving her a brand new car for Christmas even though she is only 15 and the most terrible driver I have ever seen. She's way too immature for a car at this time. I'm afraid that she's going to get that car and the next time I go down to my stepmother's house I'm going to see it wrapped around a tree in the yard.
I feel so awkward though. My dad is still obviously angry about everything and at his wits end when it comes to my brother and my stepmother. I had a long talk with my brother last night about everything that was going on and discovered that a lot of things that set my brother off have been because of our stepmother.
He really doesn't like her and I found out why last night. They're little things but they've all been adding up over the months and mushroomed. It kind of seems like she tries to get him in trouble with our dad. She told our father that my brother lied to her about being late to school when he never even told her the reason. She works at the school in an administrative position and my brother had to fill out a tardy sheet and just wrote down that he had car trouble instead of saying that he had picked up his girlfriend to go to school and was late getting back.
I suppose she read the slip and decided that he had lied to her. Then when my brother tried to get off work early to come up and see me she was all giddy like a school girl to have our dad yell at my brother over the phone. What the hell?
That shit would piss me off too.
She spoils her daughter and tells my brother to clean her house while her daughter sits in her room doing nothing but watch T.V. all day. I've see her daughter's room. Every time I go over there it's like a bomb went off. Just mountains of clothes everywhere and sometimes I see field mice in her room! It's so disgusting! I hate when I have to sleep in there because I feel like I'm going to wake up with a mouse sitting on my face!
And yet, my step mother is giving her a brand new car for Christmas even though she is only 15 and the most terrible driver I have ever seen. She's way too immature for a car at this time. I'm afraid that she's going to get that car and the next time I go down to my stepmother's house I'm going to see it wrapped around a tree in the yard.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Bad Situations
It seems that life is playing a very cruel and stressful joke on me. I was so excited for my brother to come up this weekend for Mountain Day at my college. It was supposed to be a fun carefree weekend until everything went crazy.
My brother has never had any official rules set in place for him or any discipline. My father and my stepmother decided to impose a curfew on him for 9:30 PM on week nights. This is understandable because they want him to do well in school and get his homework done and all that good scholarly stuff.
Well he's broke curfew twice already and this morning took his girlfriend to school which is 30 minutes in the opposite direction of his school and thus being late to school himself.
My step mother was fighting with my father about this telling him he needed to discipline my brother so she wanted him not to come see me this weekend. This meant I was to be punished as well and so was my father because he had planned to see my aunt and uncle this weekend but instead had to stay home and babysit my 18 year old brother at the house.
So what does my brother do after finding this out?
He leaves his school, goes to see his girlfriend, and then heads up here anyway. Meanwhile, my dad is seriously pissed off and put into a bad situation with my step mother.
I'm glad my brother is coming to see me but I'm not taking him to Atlanta or Netherworld or the Hard Rock Cafe like I had planned. This isn't fair to my dad when he does so much for us. He shouldn't be treated this way so disrespectfully. I could hear the sadness and disappointment in my dad when I spoke with him over the phone.
It really breaks my heart and I feel like my brother is not only letting the people around him down but himself down. He lost his job for not showing up and skipping out and has ISS when he goes back to school. He will lose his car and phone as well.
This all started happening as soon as he got that girlfriend who happens to be 15 by the way. As soon as they started dating everything went to hell. I can't believe that he threw away everything that was going good for him for a slutty 15 year old.
This really, really disappoints me.
Right now I'm waiting for him to get here. His phone died though and he has no idea where he's going. He'll make it to the town but I don't know if he'll be to find my college or my dorm on campus. I'm really worried.
My brother has never had any official rules set in place for him or any discipline. My father and my stepmother decided to impose a curfew on him for 9:30 PM on week nights. This is understandable because they want him to do well in school and get his homework done and all that good scholarly stuff.
Well he's broke curfew twice already and this morning took his girlfriend to school which is 30 minutes in the opposite direction of his school and thus being late to school himself.
My step mother was fighting with my father about this telling him he needed to discipline my brother so she wanted him not to come see me this weekend. This meant I was to be punished as well and so was my father because he had planned to see my aunt and uncle this weekend but instead had to stay home and babysit my 18 year old brother at the house.
So what does my brother do after finding this out?
He leaves his school, goes to see his girlfriend, and then heads up here anyway. Meanwhile, my dad is seriously pissed off and put into a bad situation with my step mother.
I'm glad my brother is coming to see me but I'm not taking him to Atlanta or Netherworld or the Hard Rock Cafe like I had planned. This isn't fair to my dad when he does so much for us. He shouldn't be treated this way so disrespectfully. I could hear the sadness and disappointment in my dad when I spoke with him over the phone.
It really breaks my heart and I feel like my brother is not only letting the people around him down but himself down. He lost his job for not showing up and skipping out and has ISS when he goes back to school. He will lose his car and phone as well.
This all started happening as soon as he got that girlfriend who happens to be 15 by the way. As soon as they started dating everything went to hell. I can't believe that he threw away everything that was going good for him for a slutty 15 year old.
This really, really disappoints me.
Right now I'm waiting for him to get here. His phone died though and he has no idea where he's going. He'll make it to the town but I don't know if he'll be to find my college or my dorm on campus. I'm really worried.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Discovering Sexuality
Volunteering at the Breast Center just keeps getting better and better. I just love talking to the patients and one of them really made my day today. While she was leaving with the nurse I heard her tell the nurse that I was precious. It really made my day to hear that.
All I've been hearing recently has just really brought me down. I was just so glad to hear something positive being said about me by a complete stranger instead of all the things said by my friend. I'm still holding onto hope that we may still be friends even if that makes me sound like a dumbass.
I also went to another LGBT meeting and was excited to hear that we will be marching in Atlanta Pride! Pagan Pride is also happening on the same day as Pride but not on the same day as the march which is great. I can't wait to go to it. That's all happening next weekend and I'll make sure to keep everyone updated on those events.
The club meeting was very personal today. I came in a little late because I had to rush over from the hospital to make it on time so I walked in when people were sharing their experiences with their sexuality and how they came out to their family members and friends. I won't retell any of the stories for privacy but hearing some of these stories really saddened me.
I know that this is a difficult issue for some people to come out and talk about but being gay, a lesbian, bisexual, transgender, pansexual, asexual, or any other -sexual/gender shouldn't matter. We are all human beings here and deserve the same rights as everyone else.
What I hate hearing the most is when people say "well that's your choice". It's not a choice. It's just how you were born.. You can't help who you're attracted to. There are many other species of animal that practice homoerotic behaviors so who's to say that humans are different? We're classified in the mammals' category. We are technically animals whether you want to say we are or not.
Some animals are faster, some are stronger, and some are smarter. We just happened to be more intelligent when it came to that category.
Or maybe we're not because intelligent people wouldn't deny a fellow human their right to live the way they want to and be with the person they love.
All I've been hearing recently has just really brought me down. I was just so glad to hear something positive being said about me by a complete stranger instead of all the things said by my friend. I'm still holding onto hope that we may still be friends even if that makes me sound like a dumbass.
I also went to another LGBT meeting and was excited to hear that we will be marching in Atlanta Pride! Pagan Pride is also happening on the same day as Pride but not on the same day as the march which is great. I can't wait to go to it. That's all happening next weekend and I'll make sure to keep everyone updated on those events.
The club meeting was very personal today. I came in a little late because I had to rush over from the hospital to make it on time so I walked in when people were sharing their experiences with their sexuality and how they came out to their family members and friends. I won't retell any of the stories for privacy but hearing some of these stories really saddened me.
I know that this is a difficult issue for some people to come out and talk about but being gay, a lesbian, bisexual, transgender, pansexual, asexual, or any other -sexual/gender shouldn't matter. We are all human beings here and deserve the same rights as everyone else.
What I hate hearing the most is when people say "well that's your choice". It's not a choice. It's just how you were born.. You can't help who you're attracted to. There are many other species of animal that practice homoerotic behaviors so who's to say that humans are different? We're classified in the mammals' category. We are technically animals whether you want to say we are or not.
Some animals are faster, some are stronger, and some are smarter. We just happened to be more intelligent when it came to that category.
Or maybe we're not because intelligent people wouldn't deny a fellow human their right to live the way they want to and be with the person they love.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Shit Happens
I'm excited that my Teacher decided that I should start running a study group with a fellow Dynion Mwyn member for Pagans and Witches interested in the Craft. I'm also excited about running the meetups in the North Georgia area.
It's just too bad that I'm so bummed about what happened between my friend and I today. I contacted her thinking that maybe she had gotten over our tiff about the whole Pagan Pride thing and visiting and boy was I wrong. What I wrote in my blog the other day about severing ties with her it was just how I was feeling at the moment because I don't like being in limbo about if we're still friends or not.
I like to have resolution as soon as possible and not in a month or a year from now.
Everything between us was just a huge misunderstanding. I had already apologized for my misunderstanding of the situation but she just couldn't get over hers. I guess that's that now. I really tried to make our friendship work by staying in touch with each other.
I talked to my Teacher about all this and he basically told me the same thing. I didn't misrepresent what happened. I told him exactly what happened and what I got from the situation and understood from it. She just couldn't see my side of the situation or how I had viewed it.
I have one of her books that I'm supposed to give back to her but if she wants it back she's going to have to come get it from me herself. I'm not driving all the way down to a town that I don't even live in anymore to drop it off with a friend to give back to her when she goes home. That's bullshit. Unless she wants to pay for my gas to go out of my way to do that then she can just buy another book.
I'm not going out of my way for someone who clearly doesn't want to be my friend anymore.
It's just too bad that I'm so bummed about what happened between my friend and I today. I contacted her thinking that maybe she had gotten over our tiff about the whole Pagan Pride thing and visiting and boy was I wrong. What I wrote in my blog the other day about severing ties with her it was just how I was feeling at the moment because I don't like being in limbo about if we're still friends or not.
I like to have resolution as soon as possible and not in a month or a year from now.
Everything between us was just a huge misunderstanding. I had already apologized for my misunderstanding of the situation but she just couldn't get over hers. I guess that's that now. I really tried to make our friendship work by staying in touch with each other.
I talked to my Teacher about all this and he basically told me the same thing. I didn't misrepresent what happened. I told him exactly what happened and what I got from the situation and understood from it. She just couldn't see my side of the situation or how I had viewed it.
I have one of her books that I'm supposed to give back to her but if she wants it back she's going to have to come get it from me herself. I'm not driving all the way down to a town that I don't even live in anymore to drop it off with a friend to give back to her when she goes home. That's bullshit. Unless she wants to pay for my gas to go out of my way to do that then she can just buy another book.
I'm not going out of my way for someone who clearly doesn't want to be my friend anymore.
Destiny?
It's day three of my vegetarianism and I am so full of vegetables at this point. I don't even like zucchini but that's what I ate for lunch today. It was some kind of vegetarian zucchini lasagna with corn. It wasn't that bad actually. Then again, I guess nothing could be that bad when you're hungry as hell.
I have a meeting with my Teacher tonight and hopefully a lot of things will be explained about my path to Wicca and how I fit into it. I'm excited to learn these things and find my place. I'll have to update what I find out from my Teacher later if I can.
Right now, I'm on my off time from work. There wasn't any work for me this week because the elementary school that I work at is on fall break. You would think that I would enjoy the free time but I really don't. I like being up and about doing something so I can at least exert some of this energy that I have built up inside me.
It's really hard to find something I can do to exert my energy to the point where I can sleep at night soundly. I may go to bed early but I always wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for a very long time. I don't think I've slept soundly in at least a year.
In my Coven, I'm what is referred to as a generator. I produce most of the energy used in the Circle by the other members for healing, spells, etc. My Teacher is supposed to help clarify some things about my destiny tonight. I hope it's not anticlimactic.
I have a meeting with my Teacher tonight and hopefully a lot of things will be explained about my path to Wicca and how I fit into it. I'm excited to learn these things and find my place. I'll have to update what I find out from my Teacher later if I can.
Right now, I'm on my off time from work. There wasn't any work for me this week because the elementary school that I work at is on fall break. You would think that I would enjoy the free time but I really don't. I like being up and about doing something so I can at least exert some of this energy that I have built up inside me.
It's really hard to find something I can do to exert my energy to the point where I can sleep at night soundly. I may go to bed early but I always wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for a very long time. I don't think I've slept soundly in at least a year.
In my Coven, I'm what is referred to as a generator. I produce most of the energy used in the Circle by the other members for healing, spells, etc. My Teacher is supposed to help clarify some things about my destiny tonight. I hope it's not anticlimactic.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Endings and New Beginnings
I'm starting to get frustrated in certain areas of my life. Nothing seems to be going right for me and at times I find myself wishing time would just stop for a second so I could catch up. I feel like I'm just barely getting by in college and at work. I'm starting to feel the pressure of not having enough time in the day. Sometimes I wish I didn't get so tired early into the night because then I could be using that time to get crap done.
I'm trying to perfect for too many people I believe. I'm trying to be the perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, and the perfect Witch. There are at least two of those "perfects" that I'm thinking about cutting such as the "friend" and "girlfriend".
I tried to be the perfect best friend but it's clearly not working out. My friend got mad at me about a week ago because she had invited me to Pagan Pride in Savannah and to spend the night with her at her college. Then my sixth sense kicked in telling me something was wrong and when I asked about Pagan Pride and visiting her she told me I was no longer invited because a friend at her college didn't want me there.
You are either my friend all the time or never. I don't need a friend that is only my friend some of the time. I ended up being the only one apologizing for something I clearly didn't do or even need to apologize for. That's when she said we needed space and wrote horrible things in her blog about me being selfish and egotistical. Well, I see what she thinks of me now.
I apologized for her for that stuff too by the way.
It's been a week now after the "I need space" text and I'm guessing I should just go ahead and sever the ties then she can have all the space in the world. I'm already making some pretty interesting new friends and am going to Pagan Pride in Atlanta with them.
As for the perfect girlfriend area I have no idea what's going on with that. I just want someone who accepts me for who I am and doesn't patronize me for my religion. It's so hard letting someone that you've been with for almost 2 years go. Technically we're not even together and we were starting over but I've come to realize that I don't want to start over with him. It's not going to work out. Sadly, I knew this from the very beginning but I thought maybe it would turn out differently.
I should really start trusting my intuition more often because it's always right.
I'm trying to perfect for too many people I believe. I'm trying to be the perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, and the perfect Witch. There are at least two of those "perfects" that I'm thinking about cutting such as the "friend" and "girlfriend".
I tried to be the perfect best friend but it's clearly not working out. My friend got mad at me about a week ago because she had invited me to Pagan Pride in Savannah and to spend the night with her at her college. Then my sixth sense kicked in telling me something was wrong and when I asked about Pagan Pride and visiting her she told me I was no longer invited because a friend at her college didn't want me there.
You are either my friend all the time or never. I don't need a friend that is only my friend some of the time. I ended up being the only one apologizing for something I clearly didn't do or even need to apologize for. That's when she said we needed space and wrote horrible things in her blog about me being selfish and egotistical. Well, I see what she thinks of me now.
I apologized for her for that stuff too by the way.
It's been a week now after the "I need space" text and I'm guessing I should just go ahead and sever the ties then she can have all the space in the world. I'm already making some pretty interesting new friends and am going to Pagan Pride in Atlanta with them.
As for the perfect girlfriend area I have no idea what's going on with that. I just want someone who accepts me for who I am and doesn't patronize me for my religion. It's so hard letting someone that you've been with for almost 2 years go. Technically we're not even together and we were starting over but I've come to realize that I don't want to start over with him. It's not going to work out. Sadly, I knew this from the very beginning but I thought maybe it would turn out differently.
I should really start trusting my intuition more often because it's always right.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Rain Rain
It's been such a long and rain filled day. Don't get me wrong. I love the rain and especially thunderstorms but I really just hate getting my socks wet. Always have and always will. It's one of those pet peeves that I have and just can't stand. Kind of like how I hate liars.
I received a bonus check for working at my college over the summer which to me was like winning the lottery. My little brother, who is 18 and really isn't that little, is coming up to see me this weekend at my college for a campus wide event known as Mountain Day. We host the olympics between our dorms and alternative housing, we have an alumni picnic, a parade, a march, and a carnival. It's really pretty fun.
I'm running in the 5K again this year for one of the events with my roommates. I really hope I can make it. I'm also trying to plan the best weekend for my little brother.
It's pretty much the first time he's been up here on campus with me. He's never seen most of the campus or the town I live in. I also thought it might be fun to head down to Atlanta for a while and go to Netherworld. I've never been to that haunted house before but I hear it's fun.
My brother and I love scary movies and being scared in general. We're always looking for the next thrill together. As you can tell we're pretty close. I'm just so excited to have him up here since this will be the first time I've ever had family up here with me for Mountain Day.
Hopefully it won't rain this weekend.
I received a bonus check for working at my college over the summer which to me was like winning the lottery. My little brother, who is 18 and really isn't that little, is coming up to see me this weekend at my college for a campus wide event known as Mountain Day. We host the olympics between our dorms and alternative housing, we have an alumni picnic, a parade, a march, and a carnival. It's really pretty fun.
I'm running in the 5K again this year for one of the events with my roommates. I really hope I can make it. I'm also trying to plan the best weekend for my little brother.
It's pretty much the first time he's been up here on campus with me. He's never seen most of the campus or the town I live in. I also thought it might be fun to head down to Atlanta for a while and go to Netherworld. I've never been to that haunted house before but I hear it's fun.
My brother and I love scary movies and being scared in general. We're always looking for the next thrill together. As you can tell we're pretty close. I'm just so excited to have him up here since this will be the first time I've ever had family up here with me for Mountain Day.
Hopefully it won't rain this weekend.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)