Being Whole

I'm finally learning to let go of things. And when I say things, I suppose that I mean people. If you love someone, that's what they say right? To let them go? Well, that's what I'm doing. I'm letting go because holding on only hurts me and the person I'm trying to hold on to. It was hard because I know that they still love me with all their heart but they won't make the right decision that needs to be made. So I'm making the decision now.

It was fun, it was pure, it was carefree. That's what our love was like, but it has to end now. There's no use in staying in this cycle. I begged, I pleaded, and I'm done. I'm done trying to talk logic to the illogical, talk sense to the senseless, talk honesty to the dishonest. Never again.

I can be happy again. I can make it through life and be happy. I can only depend on myself to change my mood. I am the only dependable person there is. Will it take time for me to open up to others? Yes, it will take a long time. Will it ever happen? Yes, I will open myself up to others again someday. Will I heal? Not entirely. Do we ever truly heal? Or do we just let ourselves forget over time by putting something else in it's place?

It's going to be tough to put something else in replace of my heart but it'll happen. I'll find something or someone else to love and it'll be good and pure. It'll be just like it was. I read today that it takes people on average almost 18 months to get over a break up. I'm sure this applies to people who were truly in love, who had a true relationship for at least a year. We were together for 2. I hope it doesn't take me that long.

I will get over this one day, whether that means having to replace someone for someone else. I will heal and I will be whole again. And I'll look back on these posts and say "wow, I can't believe I was that distraught over you. I found someone else who was deserving and beautiful and pure and everything you weren't. And most important of all they love me and make me happy. Happiness was something you could never give me."