Today, I went hiking with my ex. It's getting better between us I believe. My resentment and anger toward the whole situation has subsided. I am still heart broken but I'm learning to stand on my own two feet again. I'm not sure if I'll ever stop loving him and I don't think he'll ever stop loving me but I've decided that that's okay. We can still be the best of friends and stay in each other's life. He's leaving to go back to Pakistan in May but he says that he'll write me, text me on whatsapp, and send me cards for my birthday and Valentine's Day.
As we were hiking though, I noticed something. I noticed how fast he was walking and how fast I was walking. I stopped to enjoy the scenery but he kept moving forward on the path looking at the ground in front of him and missing the trees, the birds, the rabbits, the golden grass, everything. I told him to stop and pause and breathe.
We stood there. He kept asking what we were supposed to be looking at. I told him to shut up and just observe. To listen to the nature around us and hear what it's saying. After a bit of fussing he finally did what he was told. I spoke to him softly, guiding him to look and listen and think. Those long leaf pines have been around for decades giving off their energy, their oxygen, keeping us alive.
The birds were calling to each other telling others where they were, where they were heading, what they were doing, what they wanted. Then something amazing happened. His body changed, he relaxed, and he began to listen to not only what I was saying but to the voices of nature around us. It was magickal and beautiful. When he turned to face me he hugged me tight and later he kissed me.
I bring magick to his life and he knows that he won't have that later on. Sometimes I think he's losing much more than I am. At least I have a chance to find someone who I love and he has to spend his life with a stranger.
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