Green is to Earth

http://pinterest.com/dragonkaz/candle-magick/

I decided to post about the color green for today. Most of us would agree that we associate this color with the Earth, with prosperity, and everything listed above. The main reason I wanted to talk about it was because I've discovered that I'm a little different. Or maybe I should say my tradition is a little different. For those of you who don't know, I'm from a Welsh Witchcraft Tradition. I'm sure you've heard of the Celtic and the Welsh.

Well, I recently discovered that when casting Circles, I do it differently from most others. I attribute the element Air to the North and the element Earth to the East. Most books I've read say this is incorrect but this is how my tradition has been doing it for a very long time. At first I thought well maybe I read something wrong or my teacher taught me something wrong but the more I looked into it I found that it made complete sense.

The brief reason as to why our elements are switched is to alternate between the masculine and the feminine to produce as much energy as possible. Also, our Circle has a cross within it, the vertical line being male from North to South, and the horizontal being female from East to West. I think we can all agree that Air and Fire are masculine and that Earth and Water are feminine. So my Circles go East:Earth:Feminine, South:Fire:Masculine, West:Water:Feminine, and North:Air:Masculine. As you travel around the Circle, it's all in balance. It's different from what is generally accepted but it makes more sense to me.

People will cast their Circle how they wish to in the end. I'm not posting this to change anyone's traditional Circle casting. I just thought it was rather interesting that I'm one of the few people that I know who do this, or maybe my tradition is just one of the few who still do this.

If you'd like to learn more about this and go more in depth on the situation than my brief explanation you can go to this website: http://www.sacred-texts.com/bos/bos089.htm

This link should take you directly to an article titled, "Re-thinking the Watchtowers or 13 Reasons Air should be in the North" by Mike Nichols. He's also a Welsh Witch.

Yellow

http://pinterest.com/dragonkaz/candle-magick/

I thought today I would do something different. I wanted to talk a little bit about colors and our emotions. Why do we associate colors with emotions, characteristics, and elements? I'll be posting about each color candle and their magick properties each day. But keep in mind that colors are not limited to just candles when performing spells. Since the emotion I'm really seeking at the moment is happiness, I normally use yellow candles when performing spells to obtain happiness.

How many of you seek happiness out of life? I'm pretty sure a good number of you would say that you do. Isn't that all what we want in the end? I've been doing a bit of magick, I guess you would say, recently involving happiness. One thing I did was go out and buy myself an African Violet. Well, my friend bought it for me because she knew I was feeling down about everything. Violets are said to bring happiness to the owner and represent this emotion. It's always wonderful to have something to nourish and watch grow from your efforts. I believe it helps me stay in tune with my nurturing side.

Also, each morning, I light a small yellow votive candle and meditate on what I want out of the day. These days all I want is happiness. I choose to be happy and ask the God and Goddess for the strength and determination to maintain a positive outlook on life.

Happiness comes from within. We are the ones in control of our emotions. We choose to be happy or sad and we can change them. Choose to be happy everyday. Right when you wake up tell yourself "I choose to be happy" and see where you end up at the end of the day. I've been doing this for the past week and I've learned that I'm much nicer to others and much more patient.

Spiritual Journeys

I just got back from a cultural event on campus entitled "Spiritual Journeys of Gay Religious Leaders". Of course, the only religions that were represented were Christianity and surprisingly Buddhism. Before I even entered the auditorium I knew that Christianity would be a given since my college is technically a Christian College although it doesn't carry the title.

Although I'm not as enthusiastic about Christianity, I felt that the gay leader was very intelligent about the whole situation. I was even surprised that he said the Bible was written by people with experiences that relate to people like us. That really stumped me because I always thought that Christians believed the Bible was written by God or at least parts of it. Maybe I'm getting the whole "word of God" phrase mixed up with being written by God?

Either way, I found the speaker to be very insightful and enlightened on the teachings of Jesus and on the acceptance of homosexuality, bisexuality, transgender, etc., in the Bible and in the teachings of God.  With the Buddhist speaker I was even more impressed possibly because I'm more interested in the teachings of Buddha and the religion. Meditation and contemplation where emphasized techniques of healing and finding inner peace within one's self. How can you learn to love others when you have not learned to love yourself?

At first, I wasn't even going to go to this event. I was steadily talking myself out of it, telling myself it was too late, telling myself I'd be bored, and yet, I'm very glad that I went. I made a new friend name Carly and I felt like I learned some very valuable things. I'm going through a time where I am in need of healing myself. I'm fighting a side of me that I really shouldn't because it's a part of who I am. I am a Witch and I shouldn't try to change that for anyone or for anything.

I'm starting to see those little blessings in disguise. The God and Goddess and Old Ones are taking care of me. They know where my true path lies and where my heart is supposed to be. As long as I trust them then I'll get through this hard time and truly find my inner peace. With all these intense dreams I've been having lately, I think I'll start writing them down in my dream journal again.

My life begins now.

Acceptance

I've finally accepted things for what they are. I'm single now and that's how it's going to be till I find someone worthy of my heart. I should've never given it away in the first place. I'm in love with love and that's not necessarily a good thing. I tend to develop feelings a little too early I guess. Or maybe it wasn't early at all considering we had been together for 2 freaking years.

But that's all in the past now. I shouldn't have to give up a part of who I am to please people I don't even know. It's his choice and he deserves every bit of the consequences that come along with it. I'm done playing around with someone who just wants to string me along. It's time to find someone who will treat me the way I'm supposed to be treated and who will love me know matter what happens.

Hell, maybe I'll even date a few girls since I am bisexual. I've been thinking about having a girlfriend around. Not just a girlfriend but having more friends who are girls in general. Girls are better at communication than boys are. No offense guys, but girls have a little more empathy and compassion when it comes to the situation I'm going through.

I'm just going to stick with what I'm good at and that's school, work, and the Craft. I think one reason why I was so emotional is because my moon sign is in Cancer. Apparently, that's supposed to make people more emotional than others. Not exactly sensitive to just our own emotions but to others as well. Also, having a moon sign in Cancer, from what I've heard around the vine, means you have higher psychic abilities.

I knew this was coming all along. I just ignored my intuition because I thought maybe he'd love me enough to not be that way. Guess I was wrong about that, but then again I knew I was. Well, this taught me a very valuable lesson I suppose. Never change who are for someone and never date a Muslim.

I won't say that I won't miss the times we had but I'll have better times with someone who truly deserves me.

Problem solved.

Tarot Reading and Dreams

Tonight is a full moon as most of you know, or will come to realize later tonight when it appears in the sky. I should be happy; I should feel like celebrating but right now I'm just thinking about everything else that's going on. I'm afraid of my emotions and the things I say today because my words backed by my uncontrolled emotions could possibly direct very unwanted results.

Everything will be charged today by the full moon. I feel like I'm fighting myself. I did a tarot card reading yesterday and discovered that my ex's parents would be understanding and allow him to be with me. However, there would be some pretty hefty consequences. Since tarot cards are oracles and what they say can change all the time I don't take them straight to heart but I do give them considerate thought.

The consequences included apprehension, fear, duplicity, living a double life, disloyalty, and I believe them. I feel like I can't have both the Craft and my ex in my life. I have to choose between them. People may think me a fool for giving up my beliefs for another but I truly love him. It's hard for me to decide right now especially since I'm not positive that his parents will let us be together.

I do want us to be together but in the back of my mind there's a voice telling me to wait. The day after he broke up with me, I had a dream. I was sitting beside a lake surrounded by lush grass, beautiful full trees, and colorful flowers. A woman in a white dress with pink flowers wreathed around her head was sitting on a rock beside the lake. I was crying into her lap as she ran hers hands through my hair.

She told me that everything would be okay and if I truly wanted to be with him then I would be. However, she told me that if I were patient and waited for two months then I would find healing in another. It was a very profound dream. Maybe I was speaking to the Goddess, maybe it was just a dream, or maybe it was  myself telling myself everything would be alright. Whatever it was it gave me hope. My tarot cards gave me hope. I just don't know how it'll turn out or if it'll be what I truly want in the end.

A Terrible Year

My classes are really difficult this year. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with everything that's going on. I went to a meeting today about going to medical school and I didn't know that I needed to start getting everything in by March! I guess I'll just move on to plan B and go to a graduate school for awhile. That means I need to take a weekend and look at all the requirements for everything.

I'm still stuck in a rut with the ex. I feel like I'm never going to know the decision. I'm going to put it out of my mind and try to focus on what's happening now. School is my number one priority right now but my mind is so adrift.

At least tomorrow is Friday and I'll have the weekend to get my head together for everything. I have my first tests of the semester next week. Two of them. One in Calculus and the other in Psychology. I feel like Psychology is going to be a tough course for me. I don't feel like I'm learning very much in that class so I'm going to have to do all the reading myself.

This year has truly started off terribly. It just seems to be getting worse and worse.

Worrying

I've been so wrapped up in my own miseries that I almost completely forgot about the Full Moon this weekend and about the ritual I was supposed to be preparing for my group. Maybe it'll be a good time to cast some spells that are relevant to the situation. Maybe a spell to bring me peace, help me heal, or help me find love. I'm not sure yet.

My friend also reminded me about Imbolc and asked if we would do a ritual together for it. Man, I am so out of it. I'm so worried about everything else that is happening. I shouldn't worry so much. I was on facebook today and saw a picture with one of those inspirational quotes talking about worrying. I can't remember exactly what it said but it was saying something about worrying makes you think of the worst possible outcomes and help make them come true.

Maybe it's right. Maybe I should only think positive thoughts but then I don't want to be too hopeful. I'll be even more crushed if I'm too hopeful about me and my ex. So you can see why I'm all messed up. I'm not really waiting for him either. I am putting myself out there but I'm so down on myself right now that I'm not really putting in my best effort.

I think I should just drown myself in my studies here at college for awhile and reading books. I need to stay focused on school since it's very important. I really hope I come out of this funk soon. I'm just a little angry that he didn't go to Pakistan and now I have to wait two more weeks to know what the final decision is. I really hope it doesn't break my heart...again.