I just got finished running the 5K and boy do I feel great! Now it's time to go to IHOP and get some good breakfast food, vegetarian of course. I'm making my brother get up because he's going with me.
I feel so awkward though. My dad is still obviously angry about everything and at his wits end when it comes to my brother and my stepmother. I had a long talk with my brother last night about everything that was going on and discovered that a lot of things that set my brother off have been because of our stepmother.
He really doesn't like her and I found out why last night. They're little things but they've all been adding up over the months and mushroomed. It kind of seems like she tries to get him in trouble with our dad. She told our father that my brother lied to her about being late to school when he never even told her the reason. She works at the school in an administrative position and my brother had to fill out a tardy sheet and just wrote down that he had car trouble instead of saying that he had picked up his girlfriend to go to school and was late getting back.
I suppose she read the slip and decided that he had lied to her. Then when my brother tried to get off work early to come up and see me she was all giddy like a school girl to have our dad yell at my brother over the phone. What the hell?
That shit would piss me off too.
She spoils her daughter and tells my brother to clean her house while her daughter sits in her room doing nothing but watch T.V. all day. I've see her daughter's room. Every time I go over there it's like a bomb went off. Just mountains of clothes everywhere and sometimes I see field mice in her room! It's so disgusting! I hate when I have to sleep in there because I feel like I'm going to wake up with a mouse sitting on my face!
And yet, my step mother is giving her a brand new car for Christmas even though she is only 15 and the most terrible driver I have ever seen. She's way too immature for a car at this time. I'm afraid that she's going to get that car and the next time I go down to my stepmother's house I'm going to see it wrapped around a tree in the yard.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
Bad Situations
It seems that life is playing a very cruel and stressful joke on me. I was so excited for my brother to come up this weekend for Mountain Day at my college. It was supposed to be a fun carefree weekend until everything went crazy.
My brother has never had any official rules set in place for him or any discipline. My father and my stepmother decided to impose a curfew on him for 9:30 PM on week nights. This is understandable because they want him to do well in school and get his homework done and all that good scholarly stuff.
Well he's broke curfew twice already and this morning took his girlfriend to school which is 30 minutes in the opposite direction of his school and thus being late to school himself.
My step mother was fighting with my father about this telling him he needed to discipline my brother so she wanted him not to come see me this weekend. This meant I was to be punished as well and so was my father because he had planned to see my aunt and uncle this weekend but instead had to stay home and babysit my 18 year old brother at the house.
So what does my brother do after finding this out?
He leaves his school, goes to see his girlfriend, and then heads up here anyway. Meanwhile, my dad is seriously pissed off and put into a bad situation with my step mother.
I'm glad my brother is coming to see me but I'm not taking him to Atlanta or Netherworld or the Hard Rock Cafe like I had planned. This isn't fair to my dad when he does so much for us. He shouldn't be treated this way so disrespectfully. I could hear the sadness and disappointment in my dad when I spoke with him over the phone.
It really breaks my heart and I feel like my brother is not only letting the people around him down but himself down. He lost his job for not showing up and skipping out and has ISS when he goes back to school. He will lose his car and phone as well.
This all started happening as soon as he got that girlfriend who happens to be 15 by the way. As soon as they started dating everything went to hell. I can't believe that he threw away everything that was going good for him for a slutty 15 year old.
This really, really disappoints me.
Right now I'm waiting for him to get here. His phone died though and he has no idea where he's going. He'll make it to the town but I don't know if he'll be to find my college or my dorm on campus. I'm really worried.
My brother has never had any official rules set in place for him or any discipline. My father and my stepmother decided to impose a curfew on him for 9:30 PM on week nights. This is understandable because they want him to do well in school and get his homework done and all that good scholarly stuff.
Well he's broke curfew twice already and this morning took his girlfriend to school which is 30 minutes in the opposite direction of his school and thus being late to school himself.
My step mother was fighting with my father about this telling him he needed to discipline my brother so she wanted him not to come see me this weekend. This meant I was to be punished as well and so was my father because he had planned to see my aunt and uncle this weekend but instead had to stay home and babysit my 18 year old brother at the house.
So what does my brother do after finding this out?
He leaves his school, goes to see his girlfriend, and then heads up here anyway. Meanwhile, my dad is seriously pissed off and put into a bad situation with my step mother.
I'm glad my brother is coming to see me but I'm not taking him to Atlanta or Netherworld or the Hard Rock Cafe like I had planned. This isn't fair to my dad when he does so much for us. He shouldn't be treated this way so disrespectfully. I could hear the sadness and disappointment in my dad when I spoke with him over the phone.
It really breaks my heart and I feel like my brother is not only letting the people around him down but himself down. He lost his job for not showing up and skipping out and has ISS when he goes back to school. He will lose his car and phone as well.
This all started happening as soon as he got that girlfriend who happens to be 15 by the way. As soon as they started dating everything went to hell. I can't believe that he threw away everything that was going good for him for a slutty 15 year old.
This really, really disappoints me.
Right now I'm waiting for him to get here. His phone died though and he has no idea where he's going. He'll make it to the town but I don't know if he'll be to find my college or my dorm on campus. I'm really worried.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Discovering Sexuality
Volunteering at the Breast Center just keeps getting better and better. I just love talking to the patients and one of them really made my day today. While she was leaving with the nurse I heard her tell the nurse that I was precious. It really made my day to hear that.
All I've been hearing recently has just really brought me down. I was just so glad to hear something positive being said about me by a complete stranger instead of all the things said by my friend. I'm still holding onto hope that we may still be friends even if that makes me sound like a dumbass.
I also went to another LGBT meeting and was excited to hear that we will be marching in Atlanta Pride! Pagan Pride is also happening on the same day as Pride but not on the same day as the march which is great. I can't wait to go to it. That's all happening next weekend and I'll make sure to keep everyone updated on those events.
The club meeting was very personal today. I came in a little late because I had to rush over from the hospital to make it on time so I walked in when people were sharing their experiences with their sexuality and how they came out to their family members and friends. I won't retell any of the stories for privacy but hearing some of these stories really saddened me.
I know that this is a difficult issue for some people to come out and talk about but being gay, a lesbian, bisexual, transgender, pansexual, asexual, or any other -sexual/gender shouldn't matter. We are all human beings here and deserve the same rights as everyone else.
What I hate hearing the most is when people say "well that's your choice". It's not a choice. It's just how you were born.. You can't help who you're attracted to. There are many other species of animal that practice homoerotic behaviors so who's to say that humans are different? We're classified in the mammals' category. We are technically animals whether you want to say we are or not.
Some animals are faster, some are stronger, and some are smarter. We just happened to be more intelligent when it came to that category.
Or maybe we're not because intelligent people wouldn't deny a fellow human their right to live the way they want to and be with the person they love.
All I've been hearing recently has just really brought me down. I was just so glad to hear something positive being said about me by a complete stranger instead of all the things said by my friend. I'm still holding onto hope that we may still be friends even if that makes me sound like a dumbass.
I also went to another LGBT meeting and was excited to hear that we will be marching in Atlanta Pride! Pagan Pride is also happening on the same day as Pride but not on the same day as the march which is great. I can't wait to go to it. That's all happening next weekend and I'll make sure to keep everyone updated on those events.
The club meeting was very personal today. I came in a little late because I had to rush over from the hospital to make it on time so I walked in when people were sharing their experiences with their sexuality and how they came out to their family members and friends. I won't retell any of the stories for privacy but hearing some of these stories really saddened me.
I know that this is a difficult issue for some people to come out and talk about but being gay, a lesbian, bisexual, transgender, pansexual, asexual, or any other -sexual/gender shouldn't matter. We are all human beings here and deserve the same rights as everyone else.
What I hate hearing the most is when people say "well that's your choice". It's not a choice. It's just how you were born.. You can't help who you're attracted to. There are many other species of animal that practice homoerotic behaviors so who's to say that humans are different? We're classified in the mammals' category. We are technically animals whether you want to say we are or not.
Some animals are faster, some are stronger, and some are smarter. We just happened to be more intelligent when it came to that category.
Or maybe we're not because intelligent people wouldn't deny a fellow human their right to live the way they want to and be with the person they love.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Shit Happens
I'm excited that my Teacher decided that I should start running a study group with a fellow Dynion Mwyn member for Pagans and Witches interested in the Craft. I'm also excited about running the meetups in the North Georgia area.
It's just too bad that I'm so bummed about what happened between my friend and I today. I contacted her thinking that maybe she had gotten over our tiff about the whole Pagan Pride thing and visiting and boy was I wrong. What I wrote in my blog the other day about severing ties with her it was just how I was feeling at the moment because I don't like being in limbo about if we're still friends or not.
I like to have resolution as soon as possible and not in a month or a year from now.
Everything between us was just a huge misunderstanding. I had already apologized for my misunderstanding of the situation but she just couldn't get over hers. I guess that's that now. I really tried to make our friendship work by staying in touch with each other.
I talked to my Teacher about all this and he basically told me the same thing. I didn't misrepresent what happened. I told him exactly what happened and what I got from the situation and understood from it. She just couldn't see my side of the situation or how I had viewed it.
I have one of her books that I'm supposed to give back to her but if she wants it back she's going to have to come get it from me herself. I'm not driving all the way down to a town that I don't even live in anymore to drop it off with a friend to give back to her when she goes home. That's bullshit. Unless she wants to pay for my gas to go out of my way to do that then she can just buy another book.
I'm not going out of my way for someone who clearly doesn't want to be my friend anymore.
It's just too bad that I'm so bummed about what happened between my friend and I today. I contacted her thinking that maybe she had gotten over our tiff about the whole Pagan Pride thing and visiting and boy was I wrong. What I wrote in my blog the other day about severing ties with her it was just how I was feeling at the moment because I don't like being in limbo about if we're still friends or not.
I like to have resolution as soon as possible and not in a month or a year from now.
Everything between us was just a huge misunderstanding. I had already apologized for my misunderstanding of the situation but she just couldn't get over hers. I guess that's that now. I really tried to make our friendship work by staying in touch with each other.
I talked to my Teacher about all this and he basically told me the same thing. I didn't misrepresent what happened. I told him exactly what happened and what I got from the situation and understood from it. She just couldn't see my side of the situation or how I had viewed it.
I have one of her books that I'm supposed to give back to her but if she wants it back she's going to have to come get it from me herself. I'm not driving all the way down to a town that I don't even live in anymore to drop it off with a friend to give back to her when she goes home. That's bullshit. Unless she wants to pay for my gas to go out of my way to do that then she can just buy another book.
I'm not going out of my way for someone who clearly doesn't want to be my friend anymore.
Destiny?
It's day three of my vegetarianism and I am so full of vegetables at this point. I don't even like zucchini but that's what I ate for lunch today. It was some kind of vegetarian zucchini lasagna with corn. It wasn't that bad actually. Then again, I guess nothing could be that bad when you're hungry as hell.
I have a meeting with my Teacher tonight and hopefully a lot of things will be explained about my path to Wicca and how I fit into it. I'm excited to learn these things and find my place. I'll have to update what I find out from my Teacher later if I can.
Right now, I'm on my off time from work. There wasn't any work for me this week because the elementary school that I work at is on fall break. You would think that I would enjoy the free time but I really don't. I like being up and about doing something so I can at least exert some of this energy that I have built up inside me.
It's really hard to find something I can do to exert my energy to the point where I can sleep at night soundly. I may go to bed early but I always wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for a very long time. I don't think I've slept soundly in at least a year.
In my Coven, I'm what is referred to as a generator. I produce most of the energy used in the Circle by the other members for healing, spells, etc. My Teacher is supposed to help clarify some things about my destiny tonight. I hope it's not anticlimactic.
I have a meeting with my Teacher tonight and hopefully a lot of things will be explained about my path to Wicca and how I fit into it. I'm excited to learn these things and find my place. I'll have to update what I find out from my Teacher later if I can.
Right now, I'm on my off time from work. There wasn't any work for me this week because the elementary school that I work at is on fall break. You would think that I would enjoy the free time but I really don't. I like being up and about doing something so I can at least exert some of this energy that I have built up inside me.
It's really hard to find something I can do to exert my energy to the point where I can sleep at night soundly. I may go to bed early but I always wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for a very long time. I don't think I've slept soundly in at least a year.
In my Coven, I'm what is referred to as a generator. I produce most of the energy used in the Circle by the other members for healing, spells, etc. My Teacher is supposed to help clarify some things about my destiny tonight. I hope it's not anticlimactic.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Endings and New Beginnings
I'm starting to get frustrated in certain areas of my life. Nothing seems to be going right for me and at times I find myself wishing time would just stop for a second so I could catch up. I feel like I'm just barely getting by in college and at work. I'm starting to feel the pressure of not having enough time in the day. Sometimes I wish I didn't get so tired early into the night because then I could be using that time to get crap done.
I'm trying to perfect for too many people I believe. I'm trying to be the perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, and the perfect Witch. There are at least two of those "perfects" that I'm thinking about cutting such as the "friend" and "girlfriend".
I tried to be the perfect best friend but it's clearly not working out. My friend got mad at me about a week ago because she had invited me to Pagan Pride in Savannah and to spend the night with her at her college. Then my sixth sense kicked in telling me something was wrong and when I asked about Pagan Pride and visiting her she told me I was no longer invited because a friend at her college didn't want me there.
You are either my friend all the time or never. I don't need a friend that is only my friend some of the time. I ended up being the only one apologizing for something I clearly didn't do or even need to apologize for. That's when she said we needed space and wrote horrible things in her blog about me being selfish and egotistical. Well, I see what she thinks of me now.
I apologized for her for that stuff too by the way.
It's been a week now after the "I need space" text and I'm guessing I should just go ahead and sever the ties then she can have all the space in the world. I'm already making some pretty interesting new friends and am going to Pagan Pride in Atlanta with them.
As for the perfect girlfriend area I have no idea what's going on with that. I just want someone who accepts me for who I am and doesn't patronize me for my religion. It's so hard letting someone that you've been with for almost 2 years go. Technically we're not even together and we were starting over but I've come to realize that I don't want to start over with him. It's not going to work out. Sadly, I knew this from the very beginning but I thought maybe it would turn out differently.
I should really start trusting my intuition more often because it's always right.
I'm trying to perfect for too many people I believe. I'm trying to be the perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, and the perfect Witch. There are at least two of those "perfects" that I'm thinking about cutting such as the "friend" and "girlfriend".
I tried to be the perfect best friend but it's clearly not working out. My friend got mad at me about a week ago because she had invited me to Pagan Pride in Savannah and to spend the night with her at her college. Then my sixth sense kicked in telling me something was wrong and when I asked about Pagan Pride and visiting her she told me I was no longer invited because a friend at her college didn't want me there.
You are either my friend all the time or never. I don't need a friend that is only my friend some of the time. I ended up being the only one apologizing for something I clearly didn't do or even need to apologize for. That's when she said we needed space and wrote horrible things in her blog about me being selfish and egotistical. Well, I see what she thinks of me now.
I apologized for her for that stuff too by the way.
It's been a week now after the "I need space" text and I'm guessing I should just go ahead and sever the ties then she can have all the space in the world. I'm already making some pretty interesting new friends and am going to Pagan Pride in Atlanta with them.
As for the perfect girlfriend area I have no idea what's going on with that. I just want someone who accepts me for who I am and doesn't patronize me for my religion. It's so hard letting someone that you've been with for almost 2 years go. Technically we're not even together and we were starting over but I've come to realize that I don't want to start over with him. It's not going to work out. Sadly, I knew this from the very beginning but I thought maybe it would turn out differently.
I should really start trusting my intuition more often because it's always right.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Rain Rain
It's been such a long and rain filled day. Don't get me wrong. I love the rain and especially thunderstorms but I really just hate getting my socks wet. Always have and always will. It's one of those pet peeves that I have and just can't stand. Kind of like how I hate liars.
I received a bonus check for working at my college over the summer which to me was like winning the lottery. My little brother, who is 18 and really isn't that little, is coming up to see me this weekend at my college for a campus wide event known as Mountain Day. We host the olympics between our dorms and alternative housing, we have an alumni picnic, a parade, a march, and a carnival. It's really pretty fun.
I'm running in the 5K again this year for one of the events with my roommates. I really hope I can make it. I'm also trying to plan the best weekend for my little brother.
It's pretty much the first time he's been up here on campus with me. He's never seen most of the campus or the town I live in. I also thought it might be fun to head down to Atlanta for a while and go to Netherworld. I've never been to that haunted house before but I hear it's fun.
My brother and I love scary movies and being scared in general. We're always looking for the next thrill together. As you can tell we're pretty close. I'm just so excited to have him up here since this will be the first time I've ever had family up here with me for Mountain Day.
Hopefully it won't rain this weekend.
I received a bonus check for working at my college over the summer which to me was like winning the lottery. My little brother, who is 18 and really isn't that little, is coming up to see me this weekend at my college for a campus wide event known as Mountain Day. We host the olympics between our dorms and alternative housing, we have an alumni picnic, a parade, a march, and a carnival. It's really pretty fun.
I'm running in the 5K again this year for one of the events with my roommates. I really hope I can make it. I'm also trying to plan the best weekend for my little brother.
It's pretty much the first time he's been up here on campus with me. He's never seen most of the campus or the town I live in. I also thought it might be fun to head down to Atlanta for a while and go to Netherworld. I've never been to that haunted house before but I hear it's fun.
My brother and I love scary movies and being scared in general. We're always looking for the next thrill together. As you can tell we're pretty close. I'm just so excited to have him up here since this will be the first time I've ever had family up here with me for Mountain Day.
Hopefully it won't rain this weekend.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)