Ready to End 2013

At the beginning of this year I thought my life was falling apart. I had a lot of things happen to me all at once that really set my self-worth back. A friend killed herself while the person I thought was the love of my life entered into an arranged marriage and left me after we had been together for 2 years.

The betrayal I felt with each of these events were devastating and it took me forever to drag myself out of that suffocating hole of despair. By summer, things began to change. I met a special person who I've been dating. I've made new friends and I've been working hard at my studies in school (Senior year of college). All this is paying off for me. I am happy with my life.

I have a jar that sits on my desk filled to the brim with slips of paper, event tickets, and other miscellaneous items. It has everything good that has happened to me this year and I can't wait to open it up on New Year's Eve and see all the wonderful things I've accomplished in 2013.

It's been a pretty good year, but I won't miss it at all. That's because I can't wait for the future and what it has in store for me. Some parts may be hard but I'll get through them. I've already proved to be a strong person and I'm going to fight for what I want.

Life Thoughts

It's been a long time since I've found any time to write about myself. A lot of things have been changing for me in pretty much all aspects of life. In school, I've been finding myself becoming more dedicated to my studies, more enthusiastic about learning and finishing my final year before I start my life away from this college. I'm still planning on continuing my education after I leave here in May. I want to pursue my Biochemistry and Nursing Degree at another, more affordable college.

I have so many questions about my future. Will it be what I was expecting? Will I struggle to make ends meet? Will I have time to travel, visit friends, see my family when I have work and classes and bills to pay? I'm sure everyone goes through this at some point. I'm trying to make the best of my final year here.

Last night I was a presenter on the Cultural Perspectives of Beauty Panel, one of the many projects I've been working on throughout the year. It was a success and I'm getting better at public speaking. Things like this make me feel so accomplished in life. I'm sure to be in the Newspaper for the second time since starting back college for my senior year.

My life has been steady and pretty good, but in the back of my mind I know I'm about to hit a wall or bump. Maybe all this public speaking will help me when I have to do job interviews in the future. Everyone has been telling me to go into research until I get my other degrees. That would help me with the bills for sure and hopefully give me a little extra to do things with. Research isn't really my area. I find it to be dull but it pays very well.

I wish I could just have a piece of land, build a house, and make a massive sustainable garden. Live the simple life, you know? Money is just a piece of paper. Why is it so valuable?

New Jobs and Outings

As you can probably tell, I haven't been on as much as I used to be. I'm trying not to neglect this blog. I'm so busy with life nowadays that I hardly have any time to write which isn't exactly how I imagined my summer break to be. It's supposed to be a break right?

Well, I've started my new office job at the office of advancement at my college. Basically, I do desk work like filing, delivering mail, recording checks from donors, taking care of the company cars, doing purchasing orders, etc. It sounds much more boring as I write this but I actually really enjoy it! My Virgo side is so thrilled with all this organization and tedious tasks that I'm assigned with. My Leo side ( I was born on the cusp), gets to play for the other half of the day when I go into horticulture services as the CEO of their herbal department.

I love being in charge of the herbs. They're my babies! When I first got there, the chamomile was completely dry, withered, and rather pathetic looking. Now they're perking up which is great because hopefully they'll have healed before the sale next weekend. Right now, I'm in the process of trying to save the sage. It all looks completely dead and was totally neglected. I found three sage plants that have a spark of life still present. Maybe I can nurse them back into health. I just hope it's not too late.

This weekend I'll be moving out of my townhouse and into a dorm room which is required of all the students staying for the summer. I just think they want us to be in the same place so they can keep an eye on us. I still have to pack things up. I did a little packing today but I need to really hit the ground running tomorrow. Saturday, I'm going to a store called Forever and A Day as a field trip with my Wiccan study group. Then we will be heading down to Atlanta to a concert.

The concert is featuring mantra music and I'm really excited to go! I just want to dance...and well, meet this guy I've been chatting with. He seems really cool, but I started talking to him online. I'm going to the concert with a few of my friends and invited him to meet up with us. Who knows? Maybe it'll be a good thing to meet new people. Well, wish me luck!

Troubling Religious Thoughts

This has been upsetting me for awhile and I can feel that its creating negative energy within my space and myself. I've been finding myself becoming more and more intolerant of other religions when I used to not be. I believe this could be in part to the studying I've been doing into other religions and their cultures. The more I tend to find in the Bible, the Torah, and the Quran, the more intolerant I'm becoming of the religion in general.

This upsets me because some parts of these religions have good intentions but other parts I cannot bring myself to admire. I cannot tolerate slavery, degradation of women, belittlement and bigotry, child abuse, or anything of that nature. Yet, I have been finding this scattered throughout these "Holy" texts and I'm beginning to fear that these tidbits of information will somehow (and in some cases are) influencing the population that follows these religions.

I believe in peace, love, and respect for everyone regardless of gender, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, etc but I'm finding discrimination within these texts. I don't want to list certain verses because I would rather someone read the scripture for themselves and come up with their own opinions about the verses. I advise to look at the scripture and form your own opinions.

People may say that I'm taking these verses too literally or out of context. Let me address the "too literal" part of this and then I'll address the "out of context part". As a piece of scripture that is said to be the word of God, why should I not take it literally? I understand that some stories are symbolic and full of wisdom while others are actual accounts of history and some even laws. These pieces that are assigned the genre of "laws" are where most of the questionable content resides and are not laws supposed to be taken literally? These laws, whether ordained by God, should be taken literally, yes? It would be like saying that the laws created by man today are just guidelines and no one cares if you do it.

As for the "out of context" part, I don't care if this verse was said during a period of war, during a period of extreme suffering, during any period, no one should ever say things like, "But when the forbidden months are past, then fight and slay the Pagans wherever ye find them, an seize them, beleaguer them, and lie in wait for them in every stratagem (of war); but if they repent, and establish regular prayers and practise regular charity, then open the way for them: for Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful." Surah 9 Verse 5.

I feel the Quran, which is where this verse comes from, is more of an historical account, than to be taken as the word of God. I say this because I don't believe, personally, that a God would ask such a thing like this from his faithful servants who are supposed to be portraying a peaceful religion. Where is the peace in this verse? Although I have used this one verse to help explain the "out of context" concept, I still advise those to read these scriptures for themselves and form their own opinion.

All religions have their admirable traits and their questionable ones. Maybe we should bring these scriptures up to modern times and look towards progress. Most of the Old testament has been labeled as out dated by Christians. Who goes out to slaughter an animal as an offering to God anymore? I do not doubt that their is history and wisdom behind these pages. I also do not say that these supreme beings defined in the Bible and Quran are false. I can neither prove or disprove their existence. I am merely saying that if you believe in these books as the word of God...it does not mean that you should play God or impose some of the questionable laws upon people in this day and age. 

I am trying my best to stay away from judgement and intolerance of certain religions. I know not all people are religious zealots or terrorists or whatever they're called now. I know there are good people in all religions. We should strive for what is said to be the root of all religions and that is peace, love, and respect. As long as we remember the Golden Rule then I believe that nothing else should really matter.

Full Moon and Health Ritual

Last weekend I performed a Full Moon/Health Ritual with my group. It was wonderful because the weather was just right and no wind to blow out our candles! I love the wind but sometimes it can get rather annoying relighting candles. I usually get my candle maiden to make sure all the candles remain lit so I don't have to deal with it while I'm speaking to the group, casting the Circle, or instructing everyone about the next part of the ritual.

I performed the ritual barefoot as well as one of my other students. I advise people to do this because you can use the Earth energy in your ritual and to heal yourself. It was perfect for our Health Ritual. When I'm outside and barefoot I tend to move differently. I tend to move softly and smoothly in a crouching almost animal-like way. You just get into the moment and lose yourself. You aren't a person standing on Earth anymore. You become a part of the Earth. You meld into it and you move with it.

Beltane is approaching and I'm hoping to make a very good ritual for it. I have an outline of the ritual from Dynion Mwyn but I'm going to altar it slightly to include some of my own vision. We will be having two visitors with us who are new to the Craft and I want it to be a fun time for them. Beltane is like the polar opposite of Samhain. The veil between the worlds is also at its thinnest. While Samhain celebrates death, Beltane promotes life.

We will be celebrating it around 4 in the afternoon and I'm hoping for it to last quite awhile. Beltane is more of a solar sabbat. It is the last of the fertility festivals. I'm hoping for their to be dancing, singing, and I would really like to have a drum circle, and Goddess willing a maypole. Well, hopefully it'll be everything I'm hoping it'll be!

World Music Festival

Last weekend was the World Music Festival that RISE hosted. It was wonderful! There were so many bands and performers there that were just an awesome sight to see. My favorite part of the whole experience was the African Tribal Dance Party. I rushed to my dorm to put on my beautiful skirt and danced barefoot all night long to Ogya and Miwasa. They were really awesome bands. What was really cool is that the setting was so intimate that I actually got to speak to the members of the bands and become friends with them.

It was such a spiritual experience. I just felt so primitive and connected to the Earth. I know we are a part of the Earth, that we came from the Earth, and yet I don't always feel as connected to Earth as I should. Dancing under the sun and the moonlight in the dark green grass surrounded by beautiful oak trees really helped me connect. It's wonderful when your body suddenly doesn't feel as though it belongs to you but you belong to something much bigger, to the universe.

Dancing really helps me open up. Now am I any good at dancing? I have no idea. It doesn't really matter to me if I am, but to others it's a big deal. I tried to get some of my friends to dance with me but they wouldn't because they thought they weren't good at it and just sat there and watched. I felt like they were missing out but I suppose one can have an experience by just listening to the music. I loved the energy that was around us. I was dancing with this man much older than I who was a Druid. He was really awesome and wearing a Green Man shirt. We became instant friends.

Next year I hope to make the Festival bigger and better. I hope to have more people come to share in the message of peace, love and unity. Our little Festival was being shadowed by the big name of Phillip Phillips who was doing a concert during our African Tribal Dance Party. I kind of feel like I'm one of the few people who takes spirituality seriously. What I mean by that is that I feel like I'm one of the few people that searches and keeps searching for spiritual experiences to enhance my wisdom.

I don't practice Wicca as a fad. I practice it everyday in my dance, my meditation, my yoga, my thoughts, in just everything that I do. I want to be enlightened like the Buddha or the Dali Lama. And I want to share these experiences with everyone and shake them and tell them they can feel this too! They can feel like they are a part of something huge.

 Saddle Mountain Bluegrass Boys

 Kirtan Bandits

Me and friends dancing. (I'm the one behind the guy in the light green shirt with the green and blue skirt on dancing with my friend in the black jacket)

Blue Spirit Wheel

The Golden Rule

You ever experience those days when you wonder "What's next?" Well, that's how I'm kind of feeling today. I have a plan for my life, for my future, but I kind of wonder if that's all there's going to be to my life. I'm going to work hard, achieve my goals, and then....what? Put my accomplishments under my belt and call it a good day? Is that really all there is to life?

I want to experience something amazing. Something that I won't easily forget and think back to it all the time and say "Wow, I can't believe I actually did that, but I did." I want to have an amazing, adventurous, beautiful, tragic, romantic, spiritual, inspiring story that I can pass on to my kids. Something that will make their jaw drop when they hear it and think dude, my mom was so cool. Something that I wouldn't mind them saying with the tagged on phrase "when she was younger."

I see these inspiring stories all the time in the news, on social sites, on inspirational websites, etc, about these heroic people that do something so selfless and fearless that it gives you goosebumps. I want to do that. I don't really care if I'm known for it but my future kids will definitely know about it. I mean, I could save a baby elephant from a tsunami or something. I could be a spokesperson and advocate for saving the rain forest and not only talk about it but actually go out to the Amazon and save it. I could research some highly infectious disease and find a cure for it. I just need the opportunity to present itself.

Right now, I'm looking for opportunities (that are a little more conventional) where I can make a big difference such as with RISE on campus. There is much more religious intolerance here than what I had originally expected. I've been the victim of it personally and I'm sure I'm not the only one. We have a Buddhist Study Group and a Muslim Study Group and a Universal Unitarians group that struggled endlessly to get approved to be recognized as an official group. There is also the Listen (LGBTQ) group that finally got approved last Fall after their 18 years of fighting for approval.

Groups like this shouldn't have to fight to be approved of. They should be approved of because it is displaying not only tolerance, but compassion for human beings. Just about every religion has something called "The Golden Rule." So let's start following it!